17. What My Resistance to Instagram Was Trying to Tell Me

What if your resistance to showing up online is not something to push through, but something to listen to?

In this episode of The Favourite Self Podcast, Carly shares a real-time reflection on why Instagram has not been feeling exciting or aligned lately, even as someone who has spent years helping others show up online. After a week unplugged at the family cottage and a difficult personal situation back home, she opens up about the tension between building a business through visibility and wanting to be fully present in real life.

Carly explores the difference between fear that is asking you to grow and inner wisdom that is inviting you to shift. She shares how to get curious about resistance instead of judging it, why discernment matters in seasons of change, and how honesty can become the doorway back to connection. This episode is a reminder that showing up online should not come at the cost of your truth, and that sometimes your next level is not about doing more, but about doing it differently.

Key Takeaways:

• Resistance is not always fear. Sometimes it is a sign that something in the way you are showing up is ready to evolve

• It is important to discern whether you are avoiding being seen or whether your current way of being seen no longer feels aligned

• Taking space from social media can help you reconnect with your real life, your energy, and what actually matters most

• The most meaningful connection online often comes from sharing what is honest and true, not what is perfectly strategic

• You do not need to force yourself through misalignment. You can get curious, listen inward, and adjust how you show up

• In a louder online world, your truth is what cuts through

• Astrology can be a helpful reflective tool for understanding what themes you are being asked to look at more closely, especially around communication, visibility, and personal expression

Astrology Chart: https://astro-charts.com/
The Pattern App: https://www.thepattern.com/

Carly's Links
Website: carlyottaway.com / webofwords.ca
Instagram: @‌itscarlyottaway / @‌webofwords_
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/carlyottaway

Favourite Self Retreat: https://www.carlyottaway.com/the-favourite-self-retreat

Coming Home: https://www.amazon.ca/Coming-Home-Path-Favourite-Permission/dp/1069218308

Watch on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@favouriteselfpodcast

Transcript

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So I have to ask myself, am I avoiding or resisting being seen? Or is the way that I'm being seen no longer aligned with who I am, who I'm becoming, where I'm going, how I'm feeling now in the moment? Welcome to the favorite self podcast. I like to think of it not as your future self or your best self, but your favorite self. My favorite self that just makes me feel the truest version of me. What lights your favorite self on fire? I'm Curly Hadaway, founder, author, storyteller, and a woman who learned that building a successful life means nothing if it doesn't feel like yours. This podcast is for women who are building businesses, raising families, leading movements, and asking themselves, is this it or is there more available to me? This is your invitation to come back to yourself. Let's dig in. Hello and welcome back to the Favorite Self Podcast. Today's episode is a little bit of a real-time reflection because this is something that I am actively moving through right now. And if you follow me on Instagram, you may have actually seen that I recently shared something that felt a little bit vulnerable to admit. And that is that I don't feel excited about showing up on Instagram right now, which kind of feels funny coming from someone who has spent the last 15 years helping business owners do exactly that. I have built an entire career and business around storytelling and marketing, visibility, and helping people share their message. And I believe so deeply in the power of being seen. If you have been listening to this podcast, you know that. And I think we need to talk about that more because there's this expectation, especially if you have a personal brand or an online business and your business relies on your visibility. There's this expectation that you always need to be creating, always sharing, always posting, always documenting, always available. And it's important to remember that we are humans first. We are humans before we are business owners or marketers or content creators. And recently we spent a week at the family cottage, and it was honestly so magical. I had the full intention going into the week that I really wanted to unplug from the business. It had been so long since I had done that. I really didn't actually plan any content ahead of time. I just had a couple podcasts that were pre-recorded and scheduled, and then some posts to support that. And I just wanted to unplug and be present with my family and really kick off summer in the best way possible with my kids. So the only reason I was using my phone was as a camera to make sure I was capturing those magical moments. But I was very intentional not to be scrolling, not to be consuming, not to be letting my head go to that place of thinking, like, oh, should I get B-roll that? Should this be a real? Should I add this to the stories? And just letting myself be present. And honestly, it felt so good and it was so needed. And at the same time, coming back from vacation, I felt a little bit of resentment when it came to Instagram. Specifically, when I would open the app, which often I would do just out of habit, I felt like a pushback from it. If like literally in my body, if it was a physical reaction, and what I was seeing in my newsfeed just felt off. It felt like too performative, too strategic, and it was missing the whole point, the whole point around connection, which is why I love this app and the community that I've built there. So these feelings were very strong. And rather than judging them, I just let myself get curious about them. And at the same time, shortly actually at the end of our cottage week, we had a really difficult family situation that we are currently navigating. And it just serves as one of those reminders that so much life is happening beyond the little squares on Instagram. And don't get me wrong, I love my Instagram bubble. I have been very intentional about the community that I've curated, the content that I consume to make sure that it does feel like it's content that lights me up and empowers me and inspires me and all of those things, makes me feel like my favorite self. But having a week unplugged was just such a necessary reminder that there's so much beyond that online space that we can really feel consumed by sometimes when we are so head down in the business. It's a really important reminder taking these social media breaks, remind remembering that real presence matters so much and that our people matter. I don't want my kids to remember a week at the cottage with me constantly being on my phone or being like, just hold on a second while I post this post or send this email. I want them to remember these times as me being fully present with them. And at the same time, the reality is showing up online and being in the space has truly changed my life. It is how I built my business. It is how I connect with so many of you that are listening. It's how I launched my book, it's how I started this podcast. It's really created opportunities that I once only dreamt of. It's also a huge part of how I support my family. So it really wasn't this feeling of, oh, I hate Instagram. I'm so done with this app. It was more something feels different. And I want to understand what this resistance is actually trying to tell me. What is going on here? I'm not going to ignore it. I'm not going to push through it and force it. I am going to get curious about it. So I let myself really reflect on it and I journaled about it and just how I was feeling and went through a lot of my practices that I'm going to actually share with you here in this episode. And I got really honest with myself. And then I had this moment where I'm like, okay, I need to also be honest with my community. That is a huge core value of mine, is that honesty and transparency. And I tell my clients all the time, like, even in those moments when you just really don't feel like showing up, what if you actually share with your community? I don't feel like showing up right now. And actually, that can those shares can be huge opportunities for connection. So I decided to put together a carousel post around what I was journaling and what I was feeling and just share my truth. And whenever I do this, I'm always leaning into the belief that when I show up and share my truth and my story and my perspective or lived experience, I am helping someone else feel validated in their own, someone else who is maybe going through something similar, can see themselves through my story. Maybe I'm able to articulate the way that they're feeling in a way that they haven't been able to. And if I can do that for one person by sharing my truth, then it's so worth it for me. And truly, like that is actually what it is all about for me. So that was my intention with this post. I hit publish and the comments start rolling in with from people being like, I feel this too. Me too. Oh my God. It's like you took this out of my brain, and I I could have been the one to write this word for word. And I actually got a little bit emotional reading the comments, which I was not expecting at all. Because what I didn't realize is what I was posting in the belief that this might validate how other people are feeling. Their comments, your comments, actually were so validating for me. And I felt so validated in how I was feeling. Especially as someone who has been in this space for decades doing this work, and honestly, has never had a prolonged hiatus from these platforms, which I've been playing with the idea of I'm not going to lie. More on that, maybe to come. But yes, the DMs, the comments just felt so validating. And I was like, okay, clearly there is a collective feeling here, and I'm going to talk more about that. And then that inspired this podcast recording, which I am recording in the moment. I wasn't planning on recording this, but it just is so clear that this is a topic that we need to talk about. So I think it's really important to have the discernment, first of all, when it comes to these moments, if you're feeling this resistance. Sometimes resistance is a sign that you need to grow, right? It's it's actually a nudge of like, okay, there's a growth opportunity here. And sometimes the resistance actually means that you are being invited to shift. And the magic really is learning the difference, which I'm going to get into for you here. I'm interrupting this episode real quick to tell you about something super special coming this fall. I am so excited to officially introduce the Favorite Self Retreat, a one-day in-person experience unlike anything we've ever created before. Together, we're going to uncover and rewrite the old stories keeping you stuck, reconnect with the gifts and parts of yourself that you may have lost along the way, and help you step into what's next, feeling clearer, more grounded, and safe to be fully seen. If you've been loving the conversations on this podcast around identity, visibility, becoming and reconnecting with your favorite self, you are going to love this experience. You can join the wait list now through the link in the show notes to be the first to receive the date, location, full details, and early access to tickets. Okay, back to the episode. So how do you determine if it's fear that's holding you back or if it's a shift that you are navigating? This is really the first question that I ask myself when I get these feelings because I've experienced both. So I have to ask myself, am I avoiding or resisting being seen? Or is the way that I'm being seen no longer aligned with who I am, who I'm becoming, where I'm going, how I'm feeling now in the moment? Because those are two very different things. And sometimes when we don't want to show up, it's fear. I've talked about this in other episodes. It is literally our nervous system wanting to keep us safe. We have this fear of judgment, fear of being misunderstood, fear of what people will think, fear of putting our message or our story out there. And if that's the case, then hiding isn't actually serving us. It's doing the opposite. And that's why we need to step into a way of lovingly expanding our capacity to be seen, to be witnessed, even in the uncomfortable parts. And this is really such a big part of the work that I do. And honestly, a big reason why I created spaces like the favorite self retreat that's happening this fall and the favorite self content experience. Because sometimes it's not actually that you need a better or a new strategy. It's that you need to reconnect with the version of you who feels safe enough to share your voice. And that can be a journey. And it's often one that we are meeting again and again as we head into new up levels. So that's one piece. But then there's the other piece that how sometimes the resistance actually isn't fear. Sometimes it's actually an inner wisdom, an inner knowing. It's a little whisper saying, no, this doesn't feel right anymore. This isn't working anymore. This version doesn't fit. I'm ready for something different. That's what this felt like for me when I journaled through it and I really let myself lean into it. But it was not a feeling of fear. It was not like I'm scared to share, I'm scared to be seen, I'm scared to show up this way. It was more the way that I am sharing is about asking to evolve. So that's the first piece is having that discernment between whether the resistance is a fear getting in the way or an invitation to shift and expand. The next piece that I always like to think about is really, again, getting curious or being aware of the season that you are in. Okay. So I ask myself, okay, what season I am I in? And yes, I'm recording this in the summer. And it's natural in the summer for people to really want to take a step back from the screens and slow down and lean into more presence and another kind of way of life. And seasons are also not just about the calendar because you might be in a summer externally, but maybe internally you're in a winter. Maybe you're rebuilding, maybe you're processing, maybe you're creating something behind the scenes that isn't ready to be shared yet. Maybe your energy is being pulled into family or health or life. You know, maybe you're navigating a challenging time personally. And it is so hard to show up authentically when we aren't ready to fully share, whether that's ready to fully share what we're working on because we're still building it, or ready to share maybe something that's going on in our personal lives because it we're not ready or or interested in sharing it publicly. And both of those things are okay. You know, I'm a big encourager of when it comes to that you're building something in your business, bringing your community along. And also sometimes we need these quiet seasons of building where the external noise can actually be a distraction and we need to kind of turn our blinders on and just let ourselves be headed out as creatives, especially. You know, these platforms can actually be very distracting as a creative, as a builder, as an innovator. And sometimes we need to tune that noise out in order to build something that feels so authentic to us. I felt that when I was writing my book, I had quiet seasons in the thick of the writing where I just had to really get quiet with myself. And then I got to a point where it wasn't fully finished yet, but I was ready to start inviting my community in and bringing them along for the ride. That's why it's so important to really let yourself tune in. And I also personally, if you know me, you know I love using tools like astrology for reflection. And it's not that I am outsourcing my power or using it as a way to validate an excuse. It's really to me an opportunity to ask the deeper questions. And this one's for the woo-woo people out there, but right now we are navigating Mercury retrograde. And before you freak out, it's maybe not what you think. It's Mercury retrograde in Leo. And Mercury represents communication. So typically, when we think of Mercury retrograde, we the stereotypical kind of ideas are head going to the tech, right? And it just being like difficult to communicate because Mercury represents communication. It's our voice, our message, how we express ourselves. And collectively, a lot of people are reflecting on how they communicate. This became so evident when I shared my post and my comments lit up. I could tell that we are collectively navigating a shift. But what I find really interesting is actually looking on where it lands specifically in your own chart. So for me, Mercury retrograde in Leo is I have to look at where Leo is in my chart. It's moving through my third house. And this might be a little bit much if you aren't into astrology, but there are tools you can use to help read your chart. You can use AI, you can plop your chart into Claude or ChatGPT. I use my chart. I have that pattern app, and you can look at it through astrocharts.com. I'll leave those links in the show notes and basically like take a screenshot of your astrology chart, then share that in ChatGPT or Claude rather than using that those AI tools to read your chart. I don't recommend that. They're usually not accurate. But when you share your actual actual chart with them and you ask them, okay, where is Mercury in my chart? And how is Mercury retrograde moving through my chart right now? So the third house is the house of communication, writing, storytelling, teaching, social media, my message, which of course feels comically aligned. And that's because this is exactly what I am reassessing right now. So highly recommend you can even pause this episode, go look yours up, drop it into chat or Claude and with that prompt. And please DM me. I would love to hear where Mercury is landing in your chart and if it aligns with what you're experiencing right now in terms of your communication. Since releasing my book, Coming Home, one of the things I've heard again and again is that it feels like a mirror. Women have told me it felt like having a late-night conversation with a friend, that it really helped them see their own courage, their own heartbreaks, their own hopes, and the parts of themselves still waiting for permission. And honestly, that's exactly why I wrote it. Coming home is for the woman who is building a business, a family, a life, a dream, and looking to do it in a way that actually feels true to who she is. It's a book about healing, storytelling, motherhood, ambition, identity, and the courage to build your own path when the one in front of you doesn't quite fit. So if you've been craving a reminder that you are allowed to want more, become more, and still come home to yourself in the process, I think you would love coming home. You can grab your copy through the link in the show notes. The next thing I like to do as I get quiet with myself and really reflect with myself, I also start just being really present and noticing things. This is the art practicing the art of noticing, which is one of my favorite pastimes. And I like to pay attention to the signs and the whispers. When I feel resistance, one of the biggest things that I have learned is not to immediately feel the silence, not to immediately jump to the next thing or numb it or distract myself from it. I have to actually, it's a sign that I need to take space to get quiet enough to listen. And sometimes that can be really uncomfortable. But this is when I turn to my journal as well, or I just sit in nature or I go for a nature walk. And so often we're asking ourselves, okay, what should I do? What should I do next? What action should I take? And action is We know that action does create clarity. But sometimes we actually need to get quiet enough and create enough space to hear the answer, to witness it when it arrives. And for me, that looks like getting into nature, being present, putting my phone away. Oh my God, closing the laptop screen. And it's funny because when I do that, I start noticing signs everywhere. And whether you believe that they're messages from the universe or your intuition paying closer attention or just simply moments that are bringing you back into presence, I think they matter. And they're a huge part of my own process. And during my week at the cottage, I felt like I was really calling that in. I was intentionally paying attention and asking the universe for signs. And I had some of the most magical sightings, which I feel like is an episode or a substack on its own. So stay tuned for that. But one sighting was the most magical blue heron sighting. And if you know me, you know that blue herons are a really powerful sign for me. I've shared this story before, but it really first started at the cottage, actually, the same cottage, my in-law's cottage, when my husband and I were in the thick of our fertility journey, really struggling to get pregnant. And I was at the point where I felt so desperate. And I, for the first time, really asked the universe for a sign. And not long after, the most beautiful, majestic blue heron flies by, lands on the shore, and I immediately looked it up. And what I looked up at the time, it actually showed that blue herons symbolize fertility. And they also symbolize really a fresh start, a new chapter. And since then, they have been offered a bit of a guide for me throughout really pivotal moments in my life and in my business. And because I'm so aware of them, now my kids are aware of them, we we see them all the time. We have a pond down the street from our house. We I see them during client calls and I notice them. And I really take them as a nudge that you're on the right track, you know, just like validation that it's going to be okay. And also when I see a really dramatic sighting, that feels like a more obvious, powerful sign. And so this is what happened this past week at the cottage. I was actually in the water with my daughter, teaching her to water ski for the first time, which was so fun. And coaching her through that. And if you've ever tried water skiing, you know, like it's such there's so many lessons in this exercise because the hardest part really is getting up on the skis in that first moment. And it can take multiple tries, multiple falls, and getting back up again and just having the courage to try again into believing yourself and believe that you can get up. And I kid you not, I cannot make this up. We're sitting there, like kind of close to the shore, you know, getting her all set, getting the boat, the boats starting to tighten the rope. And all of a sudden, I'm looking at her, and this blue heron swoops by. It was so huge, so close, and it landed right on the shore and it was right behind her. And it just I'm gonna, I'm getting emotional thinking about it because, like, even as I'm telling you this story, it feels so full circle because it was the same bird that was that sign that we were going to get pregnant. It gave me hope and belief that we were going to be able to become parents and have a baby of our own. And that was my daughter, my my firstborn. And then here she is, seven years old in the lake, learning to water ski for the first time, and it swoops by again. And I just like took it in. I yell yelled it out. My husband saw it. My daughter, unfortunately, her back was to it, but she saw it land. She had her own spottings that week, so which I missed. And it just felt like this reassurance of like, this is where you're meant to be. And I felt like my favorite self in that moment. And it had nothing to do with documenting or being on my phone or you know, thinking about the business, honestly, which as an entrepreneur is so hard, it's so hard to turn it off. And I was just so fully present, and it felt like just yeah, the most magical moment. And I felt like I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. And to me, Uherons also represent this feeling of really ultimately trusting your path and maybe a nudge to have some patience, which isn't doesn't come easy for me. I'm an Aries, I want everything now, and to also welcome a new chapter, which felt very fitting. So I took that in. And then the next and maybe final step that I wanted to share with you today is the adjustment, how you then adjust accordingly. So, what are you going to do with this information that you have? You let yourself get still and get curious and pay attention and really like turn inwards. And it's not just about noticing the resistance and like forcing yourself through the exact same pattern, right? That might be an old way of doing things. Instead, you're asking yourself, how do I actually want to feel when I show up in this space on this platform in my business? Asking yourself what spaces, what social media platforms, what rooms are calling to me right now? What kind of conversations are lighting me up right now? And what are actually which ones are dimming my light? There's also that. What truth have I been holding back because it doesn't fit into a perfect content strategy? That's a big one for me. And that's what I was feeling in this moment because when I finally shared on Instagram that I wasn't feeling excited about showing up in that space, and the comments rolled in, people saying, same, I feel this. I feel like you just said what I've been wanting to say. It reminded me this is why we share our stories. I shared, like I said, because I thought maybe someone else would see themselves in my truth and my experience. And then in return, I got that validation back. And that's the connection that inspired this episode. Probably gonna write a substack on it. Maybe it's gonna be a whole series. And honestly, it actually made me feel excited about showing up again because I really let myself lean into a way of showing up that felt so good and so honest and so real to me in the moment. And I was not thinking about the perfect hook. I was not thinking about the trending audio or how I could get say this to get more views or more comments or more likes. It wasn't about any of that. It was purely about this is a truth that is on my heart that I feel called to share. And I didn't force anything. I just found that connection again. And that's the magic and that's what it's all about for me. And that's the piece that I felt like I lost. I felt so disconnected because the noise was so loud. You know, I think there's no hiding the fact that these platforms, especially Instagram, are getting really loud. And there is a reason that we skip the commercials. There is a reason that we pay for subscriptions so that we don't have to watch the ads. And yet we are starting like we've been creating content, not starting, we have been creating content that feels this way for so long. And it's and it doesn't feel good. It doesn't feel good for us, it doesn't feel good for the people on the other side of the screen. I really believe that we are heading into a whole new paradigm. I mean, there's lots of research showing this that we are stepping into a new way of working. And it's going to be more important than ever that we get really clear on and aware of our own truth, our own unique perspective, our own superpower, and focus on sharing that. And when we do that, that's how you stand out in a feed that is full of templated hooks or trending b-roll and audio. You stand out just by being real and being yourself because you're automatically going to look different. You're gonna you're gonna show up in a different way. So I hope that this uh episode serves as a permission slip for you to lean into your truth and uh see where that takes you. And if you're feeling resistance right now, don't uh judge yourself, right? Don't assume that you're uh lazy or that it's just summer and you just don't feel like it. Don't force yourself into another strategy. Take a minute to get curious and ask yourself, is this fear or is this a shift? I I truly believe that the future of business, of marketing, of showing up online belongs to the people who are willing to get really real. The people who are willing to share their perspectives, their stories, their lived experiences, their unique gifts in a way that cannot be put into the perfect hook. Because in a world that we are living in with more noise than ever, in the middle of a yap challenge, your truth is what cuts through. And sometimes being your favorite self isn't actually about doing more, it's not about forcing. It's really about trusting yourself enough to do it differently. So if you have felt this resistance and maybe you haven't posted in a little while, you've been taking a break and you're just letting yourself get curious, follow the steps that I shared and then just give yourself permission to show up in a in a way that feels honest and messy and real and see what happens. Maybe it's a carousel pulling thoughts from your journal into a post. Maybe it's getting on the stories, maybe it's talking to the camera and just sharing where you're at and how you're feeling. And then just watch the magic unfold. Watch the connections, see the messages that come into your DMs and pay attention to where they are leading you to next. I think that's what it's all about. And if you're in this space, I would love to hear from you. Send me a DM on Instagram. It's Carly Ottaway, I'll link it in the show notes. And I would love if you felt called to share this episode with a friend. Thank you so much for listening. We'll see you next week. Thank you for listening to the Favorite Self podcast. If this episode stirred something in you, there's a reason for it. You could take a moment to share with a friend, someone who's also building something brave, that would mean so much to me. Better yet, leave a review. It helps this message reach even more women who are ready to lead differently. And before you go, remember this your favorite self is already within you, waiting to be heard. See you next time.