16. Personal Style, Confidence, and Dressing for Your Next Level with Suzanne Colmer

What if personal style is about so much more than clothes, and is actually one of the ways you step into the version of yourself you are becoming?

In this episode of The Favourite Self Podcast, Carly sits down with Suzanne Colmer, founder of Your Shop Girl, for a conversation about personal style, confidence, identity, and how what you wear can shape the way you think, feel, and show up. Suzanne shares her human centered approach to style and why building a wardrobe that truly reflects your life goes far beyond trends or buying more. It is about feeling aligned, intentional, and fully like yourself.

Together, Carly and Suzanne talk about the difference between looking good and actually feeling good in what you wear, how to reconnect with your style in a way that supports your next level, and why your closet can often reflect who you have been more than who you are becoming. This episode is such a powerful reminder that style can be a practical and meaningful tool for self trust, confidence, and personal evolution.

If this episode resonates, be sure to follow and subscribe to The Favourite Self Podcast, and share it with someone who needs this conversation too.

Key Takeways: 

• Personal style is not just about clothes. It can be a reflection of your identity and the version of yourself you are stepping into

• Looking good and feeling like yourself are not always the same thing, and both matter

• A supportive wardrobe should reflect your real life, not just your past self or who you think you should be

• Buying less and wearing more can create more clarity, confidence, and ease in how you get dressed

• Style can be a practical way to build self trust and show up more powerfully in your day to day life

Suzanne bio:

Suzanne Colmer is a Toronto-based image and style consultant and founder of Your Shop Girl. She helps people feel confident, powerful, and fully themselves in how they present to the world. Suzanne’s work goes beyond clothes, guiding clients to build wardrobes that reflect who they are and who they are becoming.

Known for her human-centred approach, Suzanne specializes in closet cleanses and shopping your closet so clients can buy less, wear more, and get dressed with greater ease and intention. Her practical, supportive style has made her a trusted voice in the industry, with features on Global TV, CBC, The Globe and Mail, and internationally with Tourism Toronto.

Suzanne links:

Website: https://yourshopgirl.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/your_shop_girl/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/yourshopgirl

The Favourite Self Retreat:  https://www.carlyottaway.com/the-favourite-self-retreat

Carly's Links
Website: carlyottaway.com / webofwords.ca
Instagram: @‌itscarlyottaway / @‌webofwords_
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/carlyottaway

Favourite Self Retreat: https://www.carlyottaway.com/the-favourite-self-retreat

Coming Home: https://www.amazon.ca/Coming-Home-Path-Favourite-Permission/dp/1069218308

Watch on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@favouriteselfpodcast

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Too often we not only hold on to items, but I think we hold on to former selves. I actually think that we compare ourselves to our former selves more than we compare ourselves to other women. Like we're so hard on ourselves when it comes to the fact that we have changed it all, which is ridiculous. Change is a b is a part of life. It's it's amazing. I d I do not want to be 20 years old. Um, I d I don't care if that means like having my 20-year-old body. I don't, I don't want any of that. Uh and unfortunately, it's you know, it's society who is just trying to make us buy things um in the end. Welcome to the favorite self podcast.

SPEAKER_00 0:39

I like to think of it not as your future self or your best self, but your favorite self. My favorite self that just makes me feel the truest version of me. What lights your favorite self on fire? I'm Carly Ottaway, founder, author, storyteller, and a woman who learned that building a successful life means nothing if it doesn't feel like yours. This podcast is for women who are building businesses, raising families, leading movements, and asking themselves, is this it or is there more available to me? This is your invitation to come back to yourself. Let's dig in. Hello and welcome back to the Favorite Self Podcast. Today's conversation is one that I have been so excited to share with you because we are diving into something that really impacts how you show up in every room, every conversation, and ultimately like every season of life and every version of you that comes with that. And that is your personal style. I am joined today by the incredible Suzanne Colmer, founder of Your Shop Girl. Suzanne is a Toronto-based image and style consultant who takes a completely human-centered approach to style. Her work goes so far beyond clothes. She really helps you feel confident, powerful, and aligned in how you present yourself so that your wardrobe actually reflects who you are and who you are becoming. Suzanne specializes in what she calls closet cleanses and shopping your closet. And she has this philosophy rooted in buying less, wearing more, and creating a wardrobe that really supports your life. Her work has been featured on Global TV, CBC, The Globe and Mail, and internationally with Tourism Toronto as well. But what I love most about Suzanne is how she talks about style as an extension of identity and ultimately as a mirror, as a tool to step into your favorite self. So we get into why your clothes impact how you think, feel, and show up, the difference between looking good and actually feeling like yourself, and how to reconnect with your style in a way that feels intentional and aligned. And she shares so many good tips for how to build a wardrobe that supports your next level and not your past self. So if you have ever stood in front of your closet and just wondered what the heck you're even going to wear and feeling like nothing fits right, nothing feels good, nothing looks right, this conversation is going to hit. Let's get into it. Hello and welcome back. I am so excited to have a very special guest for you today, someone who we actually initially met at a Workwives brunch. And shout out to WorkWives and to Monica, who just had her adorable baby. And we immediately hit it off. I love how this guest talks about your style, your personal style. And of course, I had to bring that component onto the podcast. And she's just been a big part of the launch of it too, and and someone that I've confided in around the title of the podcast and everything. So, Suzanne, I'm so excited that you're finally here.

SPEAKER_01 3:52

I'm so excited that this exists and I can be here. This is, yeah, this is amazing. And congratulations to you for for doing it. And it's amazing. I've been, I've been listening, uh, I've been listening along and and watching as well. I was watching on YouTube as well. And you've just, yeah, you've you're amazing.

SPEAKER_00 4:12

Oh, I love that so much. And yeah, you were someone that I I said to you right away, I need to have you on. We need to talk about this because you probably heard actually on an earlier episode with Maria, but I came up with this idea for my book club launch of dressing as your favorite self, because of course the favorite self is a huge part of my book, and now it's the podcast. And I had no idea what a huge impact that would have on people that I've heard now from the feedback that I've gotten in terms of just like how that really like maybe made that sent them into a little bit of a panic at first and identity crisis, but then also led to just so much freedom and intention around really thinking about what they were gonna wear. And we're gonna get into that. But I, you know, especially for entrepreneurs that are, you know, maybe work from home a lot, but then are going to these events, and it seems to be always a topic of conversation, like what to wear at these events, why do I feel like I always need a new outfit for every event that I attend? You're gonna give us lots of ideas. So before we get there though, I'd love to just start with your own story and really what inspired you into to take this path and to get into this line of work.

SPEAKER_01 5:26

I think it uh I think it chose me, but my my undergrad was in was in gender studies and sociology. I did a double major and then a minor in philosophy, which we won't talk about because I didn't do very well in that part. Um, but the sociology and the and the gender studies were were just they were they were so groundbreaking for me. And and I just I loved every subject that I was in. I like hardly missed any classes, but once I graduated from UFT, it was like, okay, well, what what am I doing with this? I thought I might teach, but that didn't that didn't really float my vote. So I started to look into other kind of college courses that I could that I could attend, and I came across image consulting at George Brown, which I had no idea what it was, but was kind of interested in in the you know the explanation of of uh of the first initial course. And I attended and after after the first class, I I called my best friend and and I was incredibly emotional and I just said, I know what I'm gonna do with the rest of my life. Like this is this is it. Uh, I'm never gonna write another resume. I, you know, I didn't I didn't have a career, I didn't have a uh a real job before I started my business. I went straight from school to hanging out in Paris a little bit, eating a lot of croissants, learning about their fashion, uh, and then starting my and then starting my business. So it um it really was something that I felt like combined all of my favorite things and my zones of genius into into a job. And like 12-year-old Suzanne is is very proud of you know 40-something Suzanne because we're like, we made this into a job. Like this is so great. It's it's not, it's kind of the cool thing about being an entrepreneur. It's not necessarily what you would have thought you would have been in when you were five years old, but it uh it's it's so much fun and it's just so gratifying. And I I love it as much now, 18 years in, as I did when I when I first started.

SPEAKER_00 7:30

Wow. I love that so much. I love that you had that clarity coming right out of school and jumped right into entrepreneurship. And tell me a little bit about I feel like it started early, especially with your studies, but at what point did you really realize that this was about so much more than clothes?

SPEAKER_01 7:48

I think I always knew. I think that's what drew me to image consulting versus styling. I never did, I never did any stylist courses because that really focused on on the clothes. And it's such an art, and I have so much admiration for stylists. I think they're amazing, but I have tried to do styling gigs in in the past, and I was horrible at it because all I wanted to know was like how the model felt in the clothes before before I was putting them on. Um my work is really it's very human-centered. So it's it's about the person first and then the clothing second. It's why you will never see before and afters on any of my socials. I don't care about other people seeing an after and saying, like, oh, I love that. I care about the person saying, like, yes, this is this is now my favorite my favorite version of myself, and I feel like my favorite version of myself. And it's it's not going to be everyone's favorite version. Um, and that's why I don't I don't like the word best. I think that's what we we kind of talked about initially with the the name of the podcast and why it resonated so much with it.

SPEAKER_00 8:57

Um, I I love it. I I'm so curious if you could just explain a little bit more between the uh about the difference between the image consulting or being an image consultant versus a stylist.

SPEAKER_01 9:09

Yeah, absolutely. Okay, so that will that might get me right back in my train of thought, especially considering um the like three hours of sleep that I'm on. So uh the difference, the main difference between image consulting or style consulting and and styling is that styling is really about selling, is really about selling clothing. It's really about focusing on the clothing and not necessarily on what feels best on the person. And for me, I just I can't style someone without asking them 102 questions prior to that. It's not about them just looking good, it's about them feeling good. And I think when we feel good in an outfit, we're gonna look good in an outfit. But it's not always guaranteed the other way around. Just because we look good in something doesn't mean that we're gonna feel good in it, right? And and I could potentially dress you up in a hundred different outfits that are going to look good, but you're not gonna feel like your favorite self in 98 of them, you know? So it's a matter of focusing on those two that you do and then ensuring that we can replicate that in every single part of your life. So no piece of clothing from your underwear to your outerwear is going to be something that doesn't make you feel amazing.

SPEAKER_00 10:27

Ah, I love that so much. That's so important, the feeling of it. And yeah, I've been in so many outfits that like looked bomb but did not feel good. And that's what always pulled me away from it, you know. And can you tell us just a little bit about why what you wear has such an impact on the way that you show up?

SPEAKER_01 10:49

Oh, it's there's so many levels to this. I think that part of it, especially as entrepreneurs, is that we we understand the importance of first impressions, right? Like we we know that we are walking billboards. Often, especially, you know, for me as a solopreneur, like I am, I am my company, right? Uh so we know that how we show up to a sales meeting or how we show up to a networking event is reflective of our companies. Um, I don't necessarily uh think we really understand how much of clothing um uh makes the impact versus you know us whatever, doing our hair or our nails or the way that we we talk. I think that our clothing is such a a massive, a massive tool for this because we're telling a story whether we whether we like it or not, right? I can see someone and I can create a story about who they are or or where they're going. Um I can create a whole story about what their personal brand is, right? Um the important thing for me is that I get to write, I get to write my own story, right? I get to control that narrative. Um and on top of that, like that's you know, that's one thing. If if you want to argue, well, I don't care about what other people think about me, um, then we can also look at the like the psychological effects of of style. There's there's something called enclosed cognition. It's a a term coined by these two psychologists. It was um Adam and Galinsky in 2012, and they did this really cool test where they had all these participants uh given white uh coats, right? Half of the people were told that they were lab coats, and half of them were told that they were painter's coats. So keeping in mind, these are the exact same coats that they're they're all being given, right? Then they're asked to do these tests. So they're they're all wearing the same coats, half of them in in quote unquote painters' coats, half of them in these lab coats. And uh they're asked to do these tests where the word shows up and it is a a name of a color, but it's a different, the font is actually a different color than the word that you're looking at. So the word could be yellow, but it's actually in like a purple font, right? So you have to read yellow without um without saying purple. And what they found was the people who were actually in the lab coats after doing this test, they had half as many errors as the people who were wearing the painters' coats. And, you know, they did this this test, you know, quite a few times and and the the same results came up. And there was this clear idea afterwards that uh there is a total connection between what we wear and how we feel and and how we think. I would challenge you to put a three-year-old in a in like a Superman cape pajama and like ask them not to run around. Um like ask them to go to to sleep right away, or show up to your next networking in your pajamas or in a in a sweatsuit and see and see how you feel, right? There's there's definitely a connection between what we're putting on our body and and how we and how we feel. And I know for myself as a uh entrepreneur that works from home constantly, this is something that I take really seriously. You know, when I am when I am getting dressed for work in the morning, I'm getting dressed as if I was going out somewhere. Um I might be a little bit more comfortable than than you know, say if I was going to like meet a client for the first time, but I'm not afraid for someone to show up at my door and want to take my picture, right? I am I know that what I'm wearing is something that I'm gonna feel very comfortable in bumping into anyone that I could bump into, whether it's a you know, a nemesis or or a client. Um I'm gonna I'm gonna feel confident in that. So that's a key thing for me. And even when I'm presenting, especially virtually, I'm dressed from head to toe. That means that I have shoes on. I have like I have everything as if I was in person, but I'm I'm virtual. And that's important for me from from an energy perspective, but definitely from a psychological perspective, just to be like, I'm I'm gonna I'm gonna show up, not just for you, but actually more for more for me.

SPEAKER_00 15:19

Yeah, so fascinating. And I mean, that study too just really shows the identity piece, right? And how it's uh taps into your subconscious belief around yourself and how you show up. And I thought I I thought that story was going in a whole other direction with the painters' coats, and it was the scientist labs that were the ones that were showing up and able to um yeah, answer the the questions more precisely.

SPEAKER_01 15:44

And the lab, yeah, sorry, the the people with the science coats, the lab coats. They were they were the ones who who answered.

SPEAKER_00 15:49

I was just thinking it was gonna be like some sort of art thing with the artistic side. But so fascinating. So can you just share a little bit then about your own journey and and evolution of your style and how that has changed and yeah, that maybe also share a little bit about how you work with clients in that as well?

SPEAKER_01 16:11

I I think that my story is is quite typical of most women um around my age, anyways, in that every few years, as our like molecules are are all different, um, we kind of morph into different people, or we have transitions in our lives where we may become a a mom, or maybe we transition to a different job, or maybe we lose someone and it changes us. Like there are times in our lives where we feel like we are different than what we were before. It's kind of our before and after moments, and I and I often think that it would be strange not to have our our closets kind of evolve with that. I I remember thinking after I had my daughter that I had no idea who was living in my closet, but I just wanted them gone. Like, you are you're just you're not me anymore. Um thank you for thank you for being there for me when I needed you, but uh I I need you gone. So I cleared out my whole closet. I left myself with two outfits just so I could so I could kind of survive and get dressed and not get arrested. Um, but but I started over and and that for me was was probably a really defining moment even for me as an image consultant because I had to be my own client too. So I really had to start to to think about you know who I was now and how I wanted to present myself now, and what my body looked like now, and you know what was my what was my new favorite self, right? Um, and that is very similar to to how I work with my clients. It's a matter of being a facilitator and not just telling them the answer to things. So, you know, who are you and how can we define that through style? And a lot of that is is working through visuals because obviously what I do is incredibly visual. Um and it's it's almost like it's almost like looking at art or looking like looking at at interior design. So you want to think about like what you would kind of pause on, and that starts with having a vision board. So all of my clients, you know, have uh a vision board that we use to identify what their kind of overall style looks like, and then from there we obviously have to look at you know what their body shape is, what styles and patterns and and fabrics and everything are going to work on them, um, and and also you know, colors and everything as well, and then and then what kind of life they have too. So whether or not they could capsule wardrobe, whether or not we need a few capsules, whether or not they just want rooms and rooms of clothes, and um, and and if that floats their boat and that makes them happy, then that works too. But uh the key thing is to just start with the end in mind. So what how do you want to look and feel at the end of this? And and then we can break it down and kind of create a formula from there.

SPEAKER_00 19:21

I love it's so permission giving. I love your story around like after motherhood. I think so many of the community listening can relate to that moment, and you know, it is such a huge identity shift, and everything feels different. Your body feels different, the way that you show up feel different, feels different, but so permission giving to remember that like we get to rewrite that story and you know, and evolve and step into it that next version of our favorite selves in each season. And I know a big part of what you do that we're gonna get into is shop in your own closet too. So that doesn't always mean starting from scratch as you know, but at the same time, like sometimes that is the move that's needed to really kind of shed those old layers. And so often we hold on to items that we'll never actually wear again, right?

SPEAKER_01 20:09

Yeah, yeah. Too often, I would say it too often we not only hold on to items, but I think we hold on to former selves. Like there is just such a common theme of my clients, especially women, comparing themselves to their former selves. I actually think that we compare ourselves to our former selves more than we compare ourselves to to other women. Like we're so hard on ourselves when it comes to the fact that we have changed it all, which is ridiculous. Change is a is a part of life. It's it's amazing. I I do not want to be 20 years old. Um, I I don't care if that means like having my 20-year-old body. I don't, I don't want any of that. Uh and unfortunately, it's you know, it's society who is just trying to make us buy things um in the end. That's really what it's all about. It's like you're not good enough, so you should buy things. Like you're you should be smaller, you should be younger. Um, here are things that are gonna make you smaller and younger. Uh, when really the most revolutionary thing for us to all do is just like love ourselves and not buy anything or just buy the things that we absolutely love, which is what I'm always trying to get clients to do. It's just like buy less, buy way less, but make sure that every single thing that you buy is something that you absolutely love.

SPEAKER_00 21:31

I love that advice. It's and I can understand how it can also be very similar to like interior decor. Really, I I feel like I've taken so much time to decorate my house because I'm just like I haven't found the right paintings to hang on the walls yet. You know, I have the photographs, but I just I didn't want to just put something up to take up the space. I wanted to be so intentional about it. And I love that idea of how we approach our wardrobe too. And I I And yeah, the importance of tuning out that external noise, right? Especially when we're seeing it's comparison is so obvious on on line too when we're, you know, we feel this pressure to show up and look a certain way.

SPEAKER_01 22:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:14

Can you share some of the questions then that you would recommend people are asking themselves in order to really turn inward? How can they help redefine their style and what are some of the questions that they could be asking themselves to really understand like who that favorite self is and what her style is?

SPEAKER_01 22:34

I think that you can concentrate on your favorite outfit. That's an easy one. If there's an answer to that, oftentimes there isn't. When I ask people what their favorite outfit is, they can't, they can't answer it. You can you can also think about a former favorite outfit if that like if that helps, something that you've in the past felt really great in. Um I I do think that so much of what I do is visual. So it's almost important to trust what you kind of pause on when you're looking online or when you are watching a TV show or a movie or you know, reading a magazine. I'm probably the only one that reads magazines. Um, but I I think you know it's it's a matter of starting to gather that knowledge in the same way as you look looking for art for your for your walls. It's like, okay, well, what did I pause on? Like what did I what did I really love about this person's outfit? And when you start to gather that information and you start to kind of put it side by side, you realize that there's going to be formulas there. So there's going to be these these common themes of, oh, that's really interesting. I, you know, I paused on these 12 outfits when I was on Pinterest or when I was scrolling Instagram or even when I was on Google Images or when I'm reading my magazine. And they all have blazers on and they all have t-shirts on and they all have these pants on, maybe some are chinos, some are our jeans, whatever it is. Um, but you'll you'll start to see that it forms a bit of a theme, once again, in the same way as if we were doing our interior design. If you start to really concentrate on what you love, you realize that even though like French country might be amazing for your best friend, it's not necessarily what you resonate with, or that you thought that you were really modern. But when you're actually gathering these images, they're they're coming up a lot more, you know, country, whatever it is. So I suggest, you know, gathering those images, having a uh a friend look at them. You could even put them into to uh whatever you use for AI, whether it's Claude or Chat GBT, and ask them to come up with some words. But I do think those those kind of prompts to to figure out how you would describe the style that you're resonating with um can be incredibly, incredibly helpful. Because then you can figure out what brands and what stores, because that's the that's the next hard part is great. Like I know my style, I know what I want, but you know, where the where the hell am I gonna find all of this stuff too?

SPEAKER_00 25:09

Yeah, I love that approach. And I've I've found that I've started to implement that a little bit more, like when I'm you know, thinking of a certain outfit or when I'm shopping my closet and I'm looking at Pinterest and I pick one item and then you know, search different things that I could wear it with and different combinations for inspiration, or if I am going to get something and I have a vision in mind, although then I could be like so particular and I'm not leaving the mall and to like nail this vision. I'm interrupting this episode real quick to tell you about something super special coming this fall. I am so excited to officially introduce the Favorite Self Retreat, a one-day in-person experience unlike anything we've ever created before. Together, we're going to uncover and rewrite the old stories keeping you stuck, reconnect with the gifts and parts of yourself that you may have lost along the way, and help you step into what's next, feeling clearer, more grounded, and safe to be fully seen. If you've been loving the conversations on this podcast around identity, visibility, becoming and reconnecting with your favorite self, you are going to love this experience. You can join the waitlist now through the link in the show notes to be the first to receive the date, location, full details, and early access to tickets. Okay, back to the episode. Okay, I really want to spin into the concept of like how your closet is a mirror. I talk about this a lot around the mirror effect and how I think it's so fascinating how I mean your style is mirroring and sending such a clear message about how you're showing up and how you're feeling too. And then even just within your closet, like when you go and look at what's there and really think about what it's reflecting back to you. And I'm curious, we kind of mentioned like the purging and the letting go, and maybe we can start there just in terms of like what is the resistance that you find clients are feeling around, or or is there resistance around kind of letting go of these other versions of ourselves? And how do you help them work through that?

SPEAKER_01 27:15

I I feel like I'm like half wardrobe therapist, half uh half image consultant, but uh I I definitely think that there's resistance. Some uh more than others in terms of my clients. There's some clients who are just so ready to let go, and there's there's some clients who have to let go because they have, you know, they've changed sizes, and so their closet, their closet doesn't work for them anymore. And I I think, you know, when I talked about that former self and those comparisons, I think that that comes into play quite a bit in terms of letting go, where where we hold on to to that person so much where it's like, but I used to be able to fit into this. I I I used to be a person who could fit into this. And we give so much value to that. And until we can let go of our former self, I don't think we're actually really ever able to love and appreciate our our ourself now, our present self. And and that is is so much of the work that I do is just softly and from a place of love, trying to clear some of those old people out of our closets. And sometimes they just go and live in another room and they have a little expiry date put on them, but they they can't be something that we stare at every single day because what that says to ourselves, whether we realize it or not, is you know, uh you don't fit into me. Like you want to fit into me, but you don't fit into me, or uh you don't suit me anymore. Um and it feels like it's like something that has to do with us when it it doesn't have anything to do with us, right? It's it's all about the it's all about the clothes. It is the clothes' fault, it's it's not our fault. Um and I've you know I've I've said this a million times, but it's it's an easy thing to confirm because we know that we can feel good in some clothes and like crap in other clothes, right? I can I can put a pair of jeans on you in one second, uh, in the next second I can put another pair of jeans on. The first make you feel like crap, the second make you feel like an absolute model, right? So that had nothing to do with you. That's that's everything to do with the clothes. Uh so I think it's a it's really a matter of of holding that mirror up and and saying, okay, you are a former self and you just you don't belong here anymore, uh, and I want to give you new life somewhere else. So you can have you can go out and and party with someone else, right? It's not as if we're like throwing out these clothes, we're just kind of we're we're allowing them to actually be worn rather than getting dusty in our closet. It also takes away some of that analysis paralysis, too, where we're staring at our closet thinking that we have a ton of clothes. And when we actually put them all on, which is part of the process in my closet cleanse, is that you're able to to quickly tell that they actually don't feel as good as you thought they were gonna feel. You know, it's like, oh, I'm just I'm gonna hold on to this blouse because I love it. I wore it and I got so many compliments. It's like, okay, well, let's put it on now and see how you feel. And as soon as, as soon as you put it on, you're like, oh, never mind. You know what? I like actually hate the way that this feels. I can now, I can now say goodbye. Much harder to lie to yourself when when you have it on your body.

SPEAKER_00 30:30

Uh, yes. I I need to make sure that my husband listens back to this episode. That's so beautifully articulated why he tells me, like, you have so many clothes in your closet. Why can't you find something to wear? And you know, they don't feel the same. They're you know, I've had so many of those items for years. And I think back even to like my own kind of how motherhood stepping out of motherhood changed my body. And it wasn't even just my size, it was like my ribs were bigger. The hips were different, you know, like it's just my body had just evolved. And so, yeah, thing items that were my favorite, it wasn't even about being able to get back to the size to fit them. They just they didn't fit the same way, they didn't feel the same way, I think is the biggest piece.

SPEAKER_01 31:14

And they weren't for your body, they were for a past body, right? So it's like, of course they didn't, they're not even made for you. So why would they, why would you? It's like taking a square peg and putting it in a round hole. It's like, no, this isn't meant to be. Let's just get a round peg.

SPEAKER_00 31:28

I really love the idea of packing it up and having an expiry date on it and like putting kind of out of sight, out of mind. I think that's so powerful. Okay, so I'd love to kind of talk about where you would recommend that someone someone start when they're feeling kind of disconnected from their style. I love the vision board and how you how you shared that process. You know, when it comes to like looking at their actual closet and and you know, going through that process, like how do you how do you walk them through that closet cleanse and help them kind of feel more connected with their style?

SPEAKER_01 32:07

I think that the the first thing to do, you know, after you've created your vision board is start to use it as a bit of a recipe, right? So if you can, just like you said when you're in the mall like hunting for that specific outfit, if you can kind of use this as a recipe, you take one picture off your board, let's say, and maybe you're gonna try to shop your closet with it first. So you're using this this image and you have the pieces, you're gonna you're gonna put it on, kind of compare it to the picture and say, all right, this I would describe this in the same way. This this feels good. Um, maybe I'm missing XYZ. So if you're missing a necklace or a pair of shoes or whatever else it is, then uh what I would suggest is actually taking those pieces to a store, putting that outfit on, or you can wear the outfit to the store, that's fine, and then uh finding those pieces that you're missing and and putting them on and really being honest and sitting with how you how you feel when you're in that that outfit. Because sometimes I find that I do need to tweak that vision board a little bit once we've actually put them on our body. So some clients may say that they love, I don't know, boho kind of flowing feminine outfits. And then when we actually try them on the body, maybe boho stays, but we end up putting uh clean lines and timeless in there. And that forms a totally different story than what we had with our first kind of combination of words. So you might need to tweak it a little bit, but the key thing is to have that vision board and then try and actually copy some of those those pictures. Never feel like you have to buy anything either. Like you can go into a store and try on 10 different outfits, try to, you know, put them back on the hangers and not just like leave them on the floor. I did work retail for a little bit. I feel like anyone who's been customer service, just leave the change room looking nice. But you can walk, you can walk away without buying anything, and that is absolutely okay. Even if it's in a small boutique, that is that's okay. You don't need to buy anything. Um, you can take pictures of yourself in the outfits. You want to make sure at the end of the day that whatever you're putting on your body is something that you would want if someone else was wearing it, right? Or that if you did put it on your vision board, that it wouldn't stick out like a sore thumb, that it's going to blend in with the rest of those pictures. Because just like recipes, we may need to tweak them a little bit for them to work on us. We're not, we're not going in expecting to get this exact color of blazer and this exact top. We're we're going to need to take into consideration our body shape and our colors as well, and um, and maybe even sensitivities with in fabrics or or anything else. Um so we want to take those, use them as uh a guideline, and then try and and then try and copy them. And then once you've established that, yeah, this feels good, this is this is my style and I love this, uh, this is the the look that I'm going for, then you can look in your closet and say, okay, when I'm putting these pieces on, is it something that fits on my vision board? Is it something that I feel amazing in? Is it something that if someone else was wearing it, I would want it? Um, those are easy, very easy questions without me going into the you know specifics of of the different body shapes and all the different colors uh that you can ask yourself to to figure out whether or not it should it should stay or it should go. Um and then from there you want to make sure that you actually have complete outfits and that it's not just it's not just pieces, right? You want things to mix and match and multitask. And so, you know, once you've you've done that cleanse, uh that's great to get rid of the clothes, to, to give them new homes, to, you know, uh sell them on on Poshmark. Um and but the next step is you need to figure out what where your holes are, like what you need to buy to actually anchor those clothes. Uh, and that's that's something that has to be done with a lot of intention in the same way as we do our grocery planning every week. We can't just start thinking about the fact that we have like nothing in our in our fridge or in our pantry. You probably have some stuff in your pantry, probably have some stuff in your fridge. Let's work with that and then figure out what other things you need in order to make a a dinner, rather than just going out and buying, you know, hog and dolls and ketchup chips, right? Like, so with our clothes, we need to think about what we have, what works, and then what we need in order to allow our pieces to be worn with, you know, three other three other pieces, um, or to make uh, you know, three complete outfits rather than just like I always wear this with this, and it has to go with this pair of shoes. Um, when we start to do that, it just it means it's it's not gonna multitask nearly as well. Um, you know.

SPEAKER_00 36:53

Yeah. Wow. I love that analogy, the recipe and up comparing it to like, yeah, when you're going grocery shopping, and also that idea of yes, it how can you kind of style this in three different ways? Because there is that hard, you know, especially with like you said, you're kind of your walking billboard, and it's hard sometimes to allow ourselves to repeat an outfit. I'm I've moved on from that. I've gotten a lot better at it, but for a while, you know, or I wouldn't want to repeat it too soon. And we're capturing this content when we're out and you want it to feel different. So I love that. I think you can have, you know, three very different looks that still tie into your vision board. I mean, as soon as we're done here, I'm gonna go create my personal style vision board. I hope everyone else is too. And please tag us in them. I can't wait to see. Um, I would love to pivot and talk about how we can empower our kids to understand their own style and you know, knowing, of course, that's gonna evolve so much, especially when they're young. But I've our kids are such good teachers. And one story that I've told recently was how when I had my book launch and I told everyone to dress as their favorite selves, and then my son didn't want to wear the jeans that I picked out for him, and I had to take a moment and be like, I mean, I'm telling everyone to dress as their favorite selves. How can I, you know, make him wear a pair of jeans that clearly he's not feeling his best? And he sometimes there's some encouragement to actually just put on the jeans and then they feel good in them. So we we compromise, all worked out. But would you share a little bit just in your own motherhood journey as well? You know, I have an eight-year-old, almost eight-year-old daughter and soon-to-be five-year-old son. So it's it's also different, so many different things happening and and navigating both of their styles. And I just would love to hear your perspective.

SPEAKER_01 38:41

Yeah, I I I love this topic because uh I I was a a kid who really, really played with style, uh, in that I changed my style a lot. I was you know, voted in my my yearbook most changed since grade nine because I I literally, you know, I had my like bright blue cobalt wig that I wore in grade nine. And then by the time I was graduating, uh, Aritzia had arrived on on Queen West, and I was, I was, you know, head to toe in like business gear. It was, it's I I really explored who I was through style. And and I am so, so thankful for my parents for for always encouraging me and and never asking me to change, no matter where we were going, right? And I could have I could have some really interesting, really interesting getups. I wore a lot of like my dad's pants, I shopped vintage for a long time. Um I yeah, I just I I played a lot. And so I encourage my daughter to to play. And that means that that I do not get involved in in you know decision making for her clothes. What I have done though is I have taught her um how to how to really multitask with things. So she will go into a store and say, you know, Mom, I love these like bright blue leggings, but I don't have three other pieces that are gonna work with them. Um and then I say, Do you love them enough that we're gonna buy three other pieces to work with them? Like, are we gonna work around these? And then she's like, nah, you know what, I'm I'm not. Let's let's get the gray ones because they'll go with my, you know, pink hoodie or whatever else. Um, so she understands I have I've capsuled her wardrobe sh since she was very little. So she understands that if we're buying things, they have to go with other pieces, and that she needs to make sure that she feels amazing and in whatever she's in. She's a she shops, she definitely shops with intention, uh, and she can enter and exit a store very, very quickly, uh, which I also can. I don't know if she if she is actually looking at everything the way that I am, but she definitely uh she definitely knows what she likes and she knows what she doesn't like. And even when I show her things online to be like, do you like this? Do you like this? We'll look at outfits and on people together as well to to get that inspiration and and she will give a a very definite no or yes, um, which I I love. But I I had a very short window where I was able to dress her in exactly what I wanted her to wear from like, you know, one to three, I would say. And she was an incredibly put together toddler. Uh, but that the wheels fell off um pretty quickly after that. And I wanted to get her a button that said, like, I dressed myself, because there were some parts where I'm like, I don't want to have, I don't wanna judge this, but I also don't wanna, I don't want to be taking responsibility for for what's happening here.

SPEAKER_00 41:51

Um I love I love that because it's I mean, especially for you because that's what you do for work. We all have that, you know, and and with so many things, that's what we have to check ourselves and parenting, like, okay, is this actually about them or is this just about me? And I'm worried about getting judged for what my child is wearing today.

SPEAKER_01 42:07

Exactly. Yeah, exactly. I think I need a button for my husband too sometimes, actually. Button for my husband and a button for my kid.

SPEAKER_00 42:13

They're not the billboard today, okay? We're gonna, yeah. Um since releasing my book, Coming Home, one of the things I've heard again and again is that it feels like a mirror. Women have told me it felt like having a late night conversation with a friend, that it really helped them see their own courage, their own heartbreaks, their own hopes, and the parts of themselves still waiting for permission. And honestly, that's exactly why I wrote it. Coming home is for the woman who is building a business, a family, a life, a dream, and looking to do it in a way that actually feels true to who she is. It's a book about healing, storytelling, motherhood, ambition, identity, and the courage to build your own path when the one in front of you doesn't quite fit. So if you've been craving a reminder that you are allowed to want more, become more, and still come home to yourself in the process, I think you would love coming home. You can grab your copy through the link in the show notes. I really love that. And it just gives me the reminder. I I feel like I shop online too much for my kids and it can be a little bit stressful going into the store with them, but it's just another sign that I need to, you know, be m that much more intentional with it and help them develop those skills, you know, which is always the hardest part. Like it's like teaching your kid to tie their shoes when you're in a big rush and gotta get out the door. Exactly. Just such a good reminder of those lifelong skills that you're building around their style and how much that imprints in them. Like we know, you know, from inner child work how much the that season of life has such an impact. And I've had conversations with girlfriends whose own who now reflect back and see where not so much from their parents, but from society or from like. Like a certain class, or especially in high school, I'm sure, but even from a younger age, how other people's perception of their style really actually imprinted on them in a big way and made them maybe tone it down and play it safe and just kind of hide behind a personal style that wasn't theirs. And then they do that over time into adulthood and then suddenly realize, like, wow, I haven't been actually dressing as my favorite self for you know decades potentially. Forever.

SPEAKER_01 44:32

It's yeah, we have this need to want to belong, especially in in in North America, and I I I see it in Toronto as that we can we can be sheep a little bit. We're afraid of standing out. And I get that because you know, thousands and thousands of years ago it meant that we were eaten by lions. But now it's like it's it's safe, it's safe for you to stand out. It's you know, it's like Dr. Seuss said, like we, you know, why blend in when we were when we were born to stand out? Like they're I I think there's something very empowering that can happen when we start to explore our individuality, right? And then even more so when we get to do that and we get to express it through something, right? And and why not why not do it through clothes, right? We have to wear them every day, anyways. Why not put on clothes that make us feel amazing? Like it's it just feels like such a no-brainer for me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:31

Oh, that's such a good soundbite. Um, okay, I really love your philosophy around buying less and wearing more. And we talked about this a little bit more, but are there any other kind of hacks that you would share when it comes to shopping your closet and um, you know, how what goes into kind of dressing maybe for a specific event and anything, anything else you would share there?

SPEAKER_01 45:56

I would I would definitely suggest uh using you know search engines to search specific pieces. So, Carly, you have your gorgeous red cardigan on if anyone wants to see it on you know YouTube or or social media. So it's a matter of putting like red cardigan outfit into Pinterest or into Google and seeing what comes up. And there's gonna be a ton of outfits that you're just not into, or a ton of outfits where you're like, I don't have those pieces and I have no interest in buying them. Um, but there's going to be some that will will give you different ideas for things, right? Once again, just like putting chicken recipe into Pinterest, like you're you're gonna have a ton of results that come up. So just pick the ones that that are your favorites. Uh so that that I find um really helpful. I also just think that um, you know, if there are special occasions that you have, uh there's you know, there's great rental companies. There are like friends' closets that you can also shop as well. Uh and you know, don't be afraid to to try consignment if you haven't before, or try vintage if you haven't before. Uh I, you know, 50% of my closet is is consignment pieces for sure. And that's a an easy way, especially if you are cleansing your closet here as well. You can, you know, throw those pieces on Poshmark, make some money, and then it almost equals out because then you're just you're you're spending the the money that you that you make. Um so I think for for some of those special occasions, just trying to not buy something for a specific occasion that you are not going to wear again is key because I think about cost per wear on some of those special occasion pieces and and the cost per wear is just it's so high. If I even if I get a great deal on a dress and it was supposed to be a thousand dollars and I got it for 200, um, buying that dress for 200 and then wearing it once or twice is exponentially higher than me buying a pair of jeans that I'm gonna wear, you know, 100, 200 times. Um, it means that that dress cost me like a hundred times more than those jeans did, right? Even though, even though I I spent the same amount on them. So really trying to break things down in terms of cost per wear um when you're when you're looking at pieces um will also help you, I think, invest a little bit more, um, but buy, but buy less, right? My my closet, my sister's closet, you know, probably cost the same amount. Her closet is massive. My closet is quite small. Um, I've chosen to be very intentional about my pieces. Uh, and she does retail therapy basically all the time. So um, and she's gonna know that I'm gonna call her out on it because I cleanse her closet like every time I'm there. So um, but it's a matter of thinking about what kind of closet you actually want to to walk into, what brings you what brings you joy.

SPEAKER_00 48:49

Yeah. Oh, so good. And then can you share a little bit? We we talked about this a little bit, but I'd love to hear any examples that you have to, and I can share for my own example. But just what shifts when people are able to have a wardrobe that truly feels like their favorite selves, and then they're, you know, wearing these outfits that have been so intentionally curated. What shifts in how they actually show up and you know present themselves? And at whether it's at a networking event or even at a family gathering, whatever that looks like.

SPEAKER_01 49:27

I I do a talk called uh Your Your Superhero Cape, and I think about that analogy of Clark Kent walking into a telephone booth and you know, taking off the glasses and and putting on his Superman cape and walking out, and all of a sudden, like he can fly and he can take over the world, and and it seems kind of silly, but I see that transition on a much smaller scale every time a client walks out of a change room, right? It's it's a matter of seconds where they have gone in feeling a certain way about who they are and you know what they're what their body is doing, and you know, there's all this this these insecurities and this this blame on themselves, and then they come out and they are a totally different person. They can see themselves the way that I can see them, the way that you can see them, the way that the rest of the world sees them. And that is it's everything. For us to be able to uh step into ourselves and start to take up space, it just means that we get to Kool-Aid man into every room that we go into, right? You're not you're not afraid of the you know, the phone ringing or whatever, and an email coming in inviting you to to something and you not being ready for it, right? You're not afraid of bumping into someone on the street or you know, or when you are grocery shopping. Uh you just feel like there is no room that you don't belong in, right? And that to me is that's everything. Like that is everything. If if why not use that tool, right? If we have that tool in our belt to allow us to feel more confident, and and I think it especially when you aren't feeling connected to your body or when you aren't feeling your best, it's this great tool to almost allow you to fake it until you make it, right? You can start to dress the part, and then we know like our brains don't know the difference, right? So as soon as we, as soon as we continue to tell ourselves like this is who I am, then all of a sudden it's it's who you become. Um, and we get to do that while wearing clothes that make us feel great. Like I just and potentially having fun with it. Like I just think it's yeah, it's why I have the best job in the world.

SPEAKER_00 51:51

That got me emotional, and especially because I'm thinking of, you know, I'm thinking of my son when he puts on his Iron Man costume. Yes. I'm thinking of my daughter when she puts on like her princess dress that she loves, and just like how they show up and exactly like fly around the house. And uh, yeah, I I love that so much. And I and I notice such a difference, you know, when I am able to be so intentional. And usually I am when I'm going places and I need to be a little bit better at it when I'm home and working from home too, and just knowing that, okay, maybe I don't have any calls today, but what if I do just get a you know, a little ping to hop on video? And there's so many times when I don't do that because I didn't, I didn't, you know, put myself together that day. And so just being prepared for that more often and intentionally.

SPEAKER_01 52:39

And I would even say, Carly, don't even who cares if you're on video or not? Like do it for yourself, right? Yes, do it for yourself because it makes you feel great. Yeah. I I never care about what other people feel about my outfits. Like it's it's nice if someone likes an outfit that that I'm wearing, but at the end of the day, it doesn't matter to me. Like I like my outfits, right? So if someone else doesn't, um, that's okay. It's just not their, it's not their style. Like not everyone likes the food that I like either, but that's that's okay. It doesn't mean anything. As long as I feel comfortable in what I'm wearing, then that's that's all that matters.

SPEAKER_00 53:16

Yeah, thank you for reflecting that back because it's still an area where the external validation comes in and it's really about the internal. And I love that comparison again to food, and that you know, if exactly like people aren't looking at where what you're eating for dinner, they are maybe they are, but who cares what their opinion is as long as you're enjoying it.

SPEAKER_01 53:35

Yeah, and that has everything to do with them and nothing to do with us either, right? It's like if someone's really judging me on something, then that's work that they have to do. Um, I'm not I'm not gonna worry about that.

SPEAKER_00 53:46

Absolutely. Oh, this has been so good. I I'm curious just about what season you feel like you are expanding into right now and how your own style reflects that. And what is your what does your favorite see self look and feel like in this season?

SPEAKER_01 54:06

Um, my favorite self looks like just ease. Like I love, I love living on easy street. I like being able to wear clothes that are easy, and I don't want to have a lot of of thought for them. Like it's it's why I capsule wardrobe everything, and I make sure that my whole entire wardrobe mixes and matches and multitask because I'm in the season of life where I don't, I do not want to be spending any time on thinking about things that I don't need to be thinking about because my brain is always filled with a million different things. So I'd rather have that time to be spending with my, you know, with my family or with my friends or on something creative rather than stressing about, rather than, you know, stressing about what to wear. So my my key thing is just to keep things as simple as possible. Um, and that means, you know, getting rid of anything that that doesn't serve me. And I I think that's probably not just in my closet. I think that's probably an analogy for for life. Um I just I make sure that there's no settling. If there's no settling in my closet, there's no settling for for friends or for or for, you know, even acquaintances or for my time or for anything else, then it it just means that I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be happier. So I'm gonna say that I'm in like the season of fall because that's my favorite season. Um, and I'm just I and especially with with work, like this has been 18 years of this. So I'm I'm lucky enough to be able to enjoy the fact that I have, you know, I've stood in line for a long time, which is is great, but it means that I get to kind of I get to relax a little bit more and just enjoy, enjoy all my clients, enjoy what I do and enjoy wearing nice clothes while I do it.

SPEAKER_00 56:02

I love that so much. And once again, just remind such a good reminder that the way you do one thing is the way you do everything. And so how your closet really reflects so much more than just what you're choosing to put on your body. Oh, this has been so, so good. I I can't wait to hear from listeners in in terms of what really resonated. I think everyone's gonna be wanting to go create their style vision boards from this, and so much, so many good takeaways and and good tips. I'd love to move on to a little bit of rapid fire and then we'll wrap up to find you. Sometimes it's not so rapid, and that's okay, no pressure.

SPEAKER_01 56:37

I know I'm always long-winded with answers too. So I always worry about rapid fire. I'm like, I'll try and cut it short.

SPEAKER_00 56:43

So what's part of your morning ritual that you can't go without?

SPEAKER_01 56:49

I wake up much earlier than my family, and that is important. Um, I make I make something, I create something before I just uh absorb something as well. So that could just be a tea, um, or it could be, you know, me doing uh meditation or just me doing something creative, but um waking up before everyone besides my animals uh is is something that I can't I can't go without.

SPEAKER_00 57:15

Beautiful. Again, sending your morning with such intention. What's an outfit that you always feel so much like yourself in, or what's your favorite outfit right now?

SPEAKER_01 57:25

Oh, all of them. I honestly I love all of my outfits. Um I even I love my sweatsuits, I love my underwear. Um I could probably do with a few more pairs of socks, I'm not gonna lie, but everything else, uh everything else is great. I have a favorite outfit for for kind of every situation. Um, but there's there's nothing there's nothing in there that that doesn't make me feel like my favorite self.

SPEAKER_00 57:49

Incredible. What's something that you'll never wear again?

SPEAKER_01 57:54

Oh, oh, this is a good one. Um probably that cobalt blue wig that I wore for my pictures in high school. I won't take anything off the table. I don't I don't know who I'm gonna be um in the future, so I'm not gonna take anything else off. Actually, I shouldn't even take the wig off the table. Who knows? Maybe I'll want to wear a blue wig in the future, but um yeah, I I think I think that's that's probably it. I really don't have many regrets. I I think it's so fun to look back at all the different people and style that I tried on um over the years, so there's nothing where I I I cringe at it.

SPEAKER_00 58:33

We're gonna have to dig up a picture of you in this blue wig that we can share.

SPEAKER_01 58:38

Oh yeah, I think I I think I probably have too many pictures of it. So I'm sure I I'm sure I can find one.

SPEAKER_00 58:44

I love that. Um, what's a style rule that you completely have let go of?

SPEAKER_01 58:51

Oh, so many. So many rules. Not wearing white after Labor Day, not putting black and brown together, not putting black and blue together. Yeah, there's so many of them. And I feel like even fashion rules from year to year change where it's like don't pull up your socks, and now it's like don't have no-show socks. Like there's there's so many things. So I just I I would rather come up with my own personal rules for myself rather than rather than other people's rules. Uh I'm a I'm a person who doesn't wear uh workout gear out, and the reason for this is because once again, I know the psychological kind of effects of clothing. So when I put on my workout clothes, my brain, it's the same with my sneakers, like my brain goes into workout mode. And and so I I keep that for workouts and it it inspires me to actually to move. So if I'm not feeling like it, then actually putting on those clothes make me feel better. So that means that those clothes don't get worn in other situations, otherwise I I wouldn't have as strong a connection.

SPEAKER_00 59:51

Oh, such a good one. That's a good reminder for me.

SPEAKER_01 59:54

Well, you don't have to do it, it's just it's a personal rule. It's like a personal rule that works.

SPEAKER_00 59:58

It makes it totally sense, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:00

Or maybe it's like specific workout clothes that that will really grade in. I just I know for me, I it's it's yeah, it's it's something that that's if I am wearing it out, I need to work out that day.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:12

It's in one coach. Whatever works for you, you create create your own rules. Yeah. I love that. And what's something that you're currently calling in?

SPEAKER_01 1:00:23

Ooh, um I would say consistency is probably something that I'm calling in. Uh I'm I'm very good at uh diving into something and and just absorbing it and going all in and then never wanting to look at it again. Uh so I just I think that I need to I need to just be a little bit more consistent in certain parts of my life and make sure that I I hang on to things for for longer than you know a month or two. I feel like um, anyways, your last guest talked about this with Pilates. So it's it's the same, it's the same type of thing where I need, anyways, I need to I need to ensure that it's not just a two-month or three-month thing that I'm that I'm staying consistent.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:11

Yeah. It's definitely a a big theme right now. So I love that. I'm so excited to see what that brings for you. And I just absolutely love this conversation. Thank you so much for being here and sharing with us. Can you let everybody know where they can find you, how they can connect with you?

SPEAKER_01 1:01:27

Yeah, for sure. Um, my website is www.yourshopgirl.com. And I am sometimes on Instagram at your underscore shop underscore girl, trying to be more consistent on there now. So you can all hold me to that.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:43

Amazing. And we'll share that in the show notes as well. Any final thoughts to someone who's just really ready to step into that shift and and their favorite self style?

SPEAKER_01 1:01:54

I I think it's just I think it's really just a matter of of taking the time to think about it, right? We we do it with our our menu planning, we do it if we are decorating a room, but we don't do it for ourselves. So just take take the time to really think about how you want to show up and and then ensure that you're taking the steps to make sure that your wardrobe, you know, reflects that as well. Um and there's no right answer to this. You it has to be totally individual and it has to feel amazing. So if if something doesn't feel amazing on, then it's just it's it's not meant for you.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:35

Yeah. And if you're feeling really stuck, give Susanna a call. Send her a I'm here for your message. I'm your style fairy godmother. That's I can I love it. So good. Thank you so much, and thank you everyone for listening. And we'll see you next week. Thank you for listening to the Favorite Self podcast. If this episode stirred something in you, there's a reason for it. If you could take a moment to share with a friend, someone who's also building something brave, that would mean so much to me. Better yet, leave a review. It helps this message reach even more women who are ready to lead differently. And before you go, remember this your favorite self is already within you, waiting to be heard. See you next time.