When Growth Doesn't Look The Way You Thought It Would

What if feeling behind is not actually a sign that you are off track, but a sign that you have not paused long enough to recognize how much you have already grown?

In this episode of The Favourite Self Podcast, Carly shares a personal mid-year reflection on the first six months of the year and the unexpected emotions that surfaced while looking back. What started as a simple monthly recap turned into a deeper check in on growth, restlessness, gratitude, and the quiet pressure of wondering whether she should be further along by now.

Through five powerful lessons, Carly explores the difference between visibility and truly feeling seen, why confidence is created through action, how easily we normalize our own growth, and what it means to hold both deep gratitude and a desire for more at the same time. She also reflects on the tension between living in the gap and recognizing the gain, and why who you are becoming matters just as much as the milestones you have not reached yet.

If this episode resonates, be sure to follow and subscribe to The Favourite Self Podcast, and share it with someone who needs this reminder.

Key Takeaways:

• Visibility and feeling seen are not the same thing, and external validation cannot replace internal validation

• Confidence is not something you wait for before you begin, it is built through the very things you keep avoiding

• We normalize our own growth so quickly that we often miss just how much has already changed

• You can be deeply grateful for what is here while still desiring more for your life and business

• Living in the gap will always make you feel behind, but looking at the gain helps you recognize how far you have actually come

• Growth is not only measured by outcomes, but by the person you are becoming along the way

Carly's Links
Website: carlyottaway.com / webofwords.ca
Instagram: @‌itscarlyottaway / @‌webofwords_
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/carlyottaway
Watch on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@favouriteselfpodcast

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I'm not where I thought that I would be, but I might actually be exactly where I'm supposed to be. Welcome to the Favorite Self podcast. I like to think of it not as your future self or your best self, but your favorite self. My favorite self that just makes me feel the truest version of me. What lights your favorite self on fire? I'm Carly Ottaway, founder, author, storyteller, and a woman who learned that building a successful life means nothing if it doesn't feel like yours. This podcast is for women who are building businesses, raising families, leading movements, and asking themselves, is this it or is there more available to me? This is your invitation to come back to yourself. Let's dig in. Hello and welcome back to the Favorite Self Podcast. I'll be honest, I wasn't planning to record this episode. I was actually putting together a carousel reflecting on the last month, a little monthly recap carousel. And it led me to a rabbit hole of looking back over the last six months and really doing more of a mid-year check-in. I love doing monthly recaps, by the way, because I find it's not just an amazing way to connect with your audience. It also forces you to pause and reflect yourself and actually celebrate the last month and pay attention to what shifted, what changed, rather than just racing forward to the next thing. I usually do a whole ritual with it. I love to do a little meditation. I do some journaling, and then I go back through my camera roll and put my post together. And as I was doing this, I noticed something. Part of me was feeling incredibly grateful. And another part of me was feeling really restless. And this is a feeling that I've been dealing with a lot this year. Maybe you know the feeling. It's this feeling where you can see the growth objectively, you can see the progress, you can see the evidence that things are working, but there's still this voice inside you that is asking you, shouldn't I be further along by now? That voice has been loud for me lately. And if I'm being honest, I almost didn't want to admit that because from the outside, I feel like things have been so amazing. The podcast launched, I'm just about to do a book signing at Indigo. I am speaking on incredible stages, I'm guesting for really amazing events, I'm hosting my own events, the favorite self-content experience was absolutely magical. I've built and nurtured these incredible relationships, and I've truly had opportunities that younger me was dreaming about, literally. And yet there have been these moments where I have caught myself looking at the goals that I have not reached instead of appreciating the dreams that have already come into existence. So today I want to talk about what the first six months of the year have taught me so far. And the first lesson, lesson number one, is that visibility is not the same thing as feeling seen. One of the biggest realizations that I've had, especially recently, is that visibility and being seen are not the same thing. For so long, I thought more visibility would create more certainty. You know, it would come with more followers, more listeners, more downloads, more opportunities, more recognition. But visibility really is external and being seen is internal. So what I've realized is that sometimes we are chasing more visibility when what we actually want and desire is simply to feel seen, to feel seen for our gifts, for our superpowers, by others, by our community, by the people we love, but most importantly by ourselves. Because reality is, and I've known this for a long time, I write about this in my book. No amount of external validation can compensate for a lack of internal validation. I'll say that again. No amount of external validation can compensate for a lack of internal validation. Second lesson: the version of you that you are waiting to become is built through the things that you are avoiding. I think we all have this idea that one day we'll magically become confident enough. And then we'll launch the podcast, then we'll write the book, then we'll host the event, then we'll put ourselves out there. But confidence is not the prerequisite, it is the result. I did not become a podcaster and then start the podcast. I became one because I started, before I felt ready. I didn't become an author and then write a book. I became an author through the process of writing it. And in fact, it was one of the biggest parts of the journey was becoming the author of my story as I was working through it. And it was about so much more than just writing the book. It was becoming the identity of the person who shared her story in this way. So the version of you that you are waiting for is actually being built right now through the actions that you are taking today. Lesson number three is that we normalize our own growth. This one hit me hard because while I was actually preparing for a speaking event recently, I found myself feeling those lingering feelings of imposter syndrome coming up. And I started thinking, who am I to teach this? Who am I to be the one in this room leading this conversation? Because I know that this is a room full of incredibly expansive entrepreneurs and thought leaders. And I kept asking myself, who am I to be the one to speak to this? And then I stopped and I thought about all the things that I have done over the last decade plus in business. And it's not because I'm special, it's because when you are living your life every day, your own growth becomes normal to you. Of course it does. You stop seeing it, you stop maybe even celebrating it, you stop recognizing and paying attention to how far you've come. And what feels ordinary to you might actually be exactly what someone else needs to learn from. And again, this is why I love taking the time to pause and do these monthly reflections and check in with yourself right now at the six-month point in the year to actually reflect and look back on not just the last six months, but I think more importantly, even the last two years, the last five years, and seeing your life now through the eyes of your younger self. And what would she think? The fourth lesson: you can be grateful and still desire more. I think for a long time I felt a lot of friction between these two things. I felt like if I was wanting more, that I wasn't being grateful for what I had. Or I felt like if I was just soaking in gratitude, I shouldn't want more. But I don't believe that anymore. I know that I can deeply appreciate this season of my life and still have dreams that haven't arrived yet and be aware of them. I can celebrate what is working really well, and I can still have a deep desire for expansion. I can trust the timing of my life and still feel a little impatient and restless and excited for what is next and what's coming. Those things can truly coexist. And I'm in that right now. I'm absolutely in that right now. So I am leaning into my gratitude practice to support me in the day-to-day. And I am also trusting in the timing and believing in this deep desire within me that knows that there is more available to me and trusting that. All right, lesson number five. I'm not where I thought that I would be, but I might actually be exactly where I'm supposed to be. This one might be the biggest one of all that I'm feeling right now. Because if you asked me six months ago where I would be right now, I probably would have given you a very different answer. I would have had different numbers, different milestones, different outcomes. But looking back, I've realized I've spent so much time measuring progress by results that I almost missed the transformation along the way. And this reminds me of the book, The Gap in the Gain, by Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy. And it's a concept that I've been thinking about a lot lately. The gap that they write about is measuring yourself against where you think you should be. And the gain is measuring yourself against where you started. And if I'm being completely honest, I have spent a lot of this year so far living in the gap, looking at the numbers in my business that aren't where I want them to be yet. The opportunities that haven't happened yet, the goals that I haven't reached yet, the vision that still feels just out of reach. The problem is that when you're constantly measuring yourself against this ever-moving target, you'll always feel behind. And that's how I've been feeling lately. I was feeling behind. When I sat down to do my monthly recap, I was feeling behind. I was feeling like I'm not where I should be because the finish line just keeps moving. But then when you actually stop and look at the gain, everything shifts. Literally, you can feel the shift. And for me, that looks like seeing the woman who launched a podcast that was way more successful than she even imagined it would be. Who is stepping into all of these opportunities that have come from publishing her book, who is hosting incredible events and holding space for other people to guide them back to their favorite selves and remember who they are and what their true purpose is and to lean and trust in their truth. I see a woman who's building deeper relationships. I launched a book club in real life. We meet in person every month. I launched it this year. I had this download come at the end of last year. I launched it in January, and it's one of my favorite things that I've done this year. And the women in the group have said the same. And I've also said yes to opportunities that once felt terrifying. And they still scare me. They still scare me, but I've said yes to them anyway. I'm stepping through the fear. I am in a space where I've really become more visible than I ever have before. And maybe that's why the gain is so powerful, because it reminds us that growth is not only measured by outcomes, by numbers, by metrics. It is measured by who we become along the way. And yes, the truth is I am not where I thought I would be right now. But I also think that's because the version of me who set those goals couldn't see everything that was waiting for me in between. She couldn't see the lessons. She couldn't see the shifts in relationships. She couldn't see the confidence, the experiences, and this becoming. And maybe that's the invitation for all of us to stop measuring our lives against where we think we should be and really start recognizing how much we've already gained. Because when I zoom out and look at the last six months, I realize that yes, I may not be where I thought I'd be, but I have a feeling I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. And the woman that is talking to you right now is not the same woman as the one who started this year. I've really become braver. I've become more confident in my truth, more willing to trust myself, more willing to put myself out there. And maybe that's the point. Maybe the goal was never just the result. Maybe the goal was actually becoming the person who was capable of holding it when it arrives. So if you have been feeling behind lately, if you've been looking around and wondering why everyone else seems to be moving faster, doing more, achieving more. And if it's left you questioning whether what you're doing is actually even working, I just want to leave you with this question. What evidence of growth have you normalized because it's become your new normal? Take a minute to take inventory, get your journal out, look back, reflect, go through your camera roll, go through your calendar, celebrate yourself. Because the life and the business that you are building may already contain pieces of what you once prayed for. And maybe you're not behind. Maybe you are in the becoming. And maybe you're not where you thought you'd be, but maybe you're exactly where you're supposed to be. Thank you for listening to the Favorite Self podcast. If this episode stirred something in you, there's a reason for it. If you could take a moment to share with a friend, someone who's also building something brave, that would mean so much to me. Better yet, leave a review. It helps this message reach even more women who are ready to lead differently. And before you go, remember this your favorite self is already within you, waiting to be heard. See you next time.