8. Trusting Your Voice and Letting Go of Perfection

What happens when you finally start trusting your voice, only to lose it completely?

In this episode of The Favourite Self Podcast, Carly reflects on the recent stretch of speaking, podcasting, storytelling, and visibility that has asked her to use her voice in bigger ways than ever before. After losing her voice following a keynote style talk at her old high school, she shares how symbolic that experience felt and what it revealed about her evolving relationship with being seen, speaking live, and trusting herself in the moment.

Carly opens up about her early roots in journalism, the perfectionism that kept her hiding behind the keyboard, and how podcasting has helped her move out of control and into presence. She also shares the full circle experience of returning to her high school twenty years later to speak to students, and why that moment felt so healing, expansive, and deeply meaningful. This episode is a reminder that your voice becomes stronger when you stop trying to perfect it and start trusting what wants to come through.

If this episode resonates, be sure to follow and subscribe to The Favourite Self Podcast, and share it with someone who needs this reminder.

Key Takeaways:

• Trusting your voice often requires letting go of perfection and control

• Podcasting and speaking can help you build confidence by bringing you back into your body and into the present moment

• You do not need to memorize every word to speak powerfully. You need to trust yourself and your message

• Full circle moments can become powerful mirrors for how much you have grown

• Sometimes being forced to slow down is actually an invitation to reflect, recalibrate, and protect your energy

Carly's Links
Website: carlyottaway.com / webofwords.ca
Instagram: @‌itscarlyottaway / @‌webofwords_
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/carlyottaway

The Favourite Self Retreat: https://www.carlyottaway.com/the-favourite-self-retreat

Coming Home: https://www.amazon.ca/Coming-Home-Path-Favourite-Permission/dp/1069218308

Watch on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@favouriteselfpodcast

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Podcasting forced me out of perfection and into presence. So there was no editing my thoughts in real time. It was really learning to trust the conversation, learning to trust myself. Welcome to the favorite self podcast. I like to think of it not as your future self or your best self, but your favorite self. My favorite self that just makes me feel the truest version of me. What lights your favorite self on fire? I'm Carly Ottaway, founder, author, storyteller, and a woman who learned that building a successful life means nothing if it doesn't feel like yours. This podcast is for women who are building businesses, raising families, leading movements, and asking themselves, is this it or is there more available to me? This is your invitation to come back to yourself. Let's dig in. Hello and welcome back to another episode of the Favorite Self podcast. I feel like it's been a little while, and that's because I was in such a groove with my podcast recording. And then I went and gave a talk to 175 students at my old high school, and I completely lost my voice. And honestly, it felt pretty symbolic. I'm still actually just getting it back, but I could not wait any longer to record this episode and reflect on so much that has happened over the recent weeks and what has led up to this shift. And yeah, I've become very aware of how much I've been using my voice, my physical voice with the podcast launch, with recording. I've recorded some amazing guest episodes, some of which you've already listened to, that have been released, and so many still to come. And I've been recording these solo episodes as well. I've also been speaking a lot more. I've been booking some keynote speaking events and some panel events, and just really continuing to lean into storytelling and stretching my visibility and using my voice in lots of different ways. So I have to admit that it felt pretty ironic to be in this space where I finally was trusting my voice in a way that I never have before, only to lose it completely. Like I'm talking completely, I had to cancel a networking event I had the day after my high school talk because I could I couldn't even whisper. It was gone. And talking about have it happening to mother with no voice while your kids are always calling to you from the other, from another room, we'll get into that as well. But this experience really made me realize how much my relationship with my voice has changed over the years. And I had to come on here and talk about it. So, as you might know, if you've heard my story before or some of the intro episodes, I started my career in journalism. And I told the story a lot about how I got so familiar with hiding behind the keyboard. I was in a spot in journalism where I was always sharing other people's stories, and I absolutely loved it and I loved interviewing. I loved the interview process. However, there was a part of that that I knew I could still edit. It was still the interview was, you know, in the moment very conversational. Of course, it was being recorded, but that was for my own note. And then I would go and write the story to support it, which I could polish and perfect and edit. So I've had a lot of feedback from people, even in the early days of podcast recording, how, you know, this feels like such a great fit. And I felt it too. Like it brings me back to my journalism roots. But there's one clear difference, and that is this editing process. Like, okay, yes, my team edits podcast episodes before they go out, but it's minimal editing. And for the most part, like you're still getting the real raw conversation. I mean, you are getting it. Whereas when I'm writing the story, I am crafting it, I am taking those words, you know, and still telling the truth, but there's a lot more massaging that goes into that. So I loved being able to refine everything that I worked on before anyone else saw it. And that was that my perfectionist, my inner perfectionist that loved to have control over everything. And because of this, I just continued to develop those skills and have that expectation of in my my creative process. You know, there was this expectation of perfectionism. And I think this is really what led to this fear of live speaking for me and using my voice in this way because I felt like I best communicated when I could edit myself, when I was writing and going through that process. And ultimately I trusted the edited version of myself more than the real-time version of myself. So when it came to stepping into more speaking, and that started with usually more online, you know, masterclasses or webinars that I was giving, I would still heavily rely on my notes. I would script a lot out. And then when I did start speaking live, I would often have cue cards or I would do a ton of prep ahead of time, even for a panel. And I felt this immense pressure to be on stage and to be able to speak in the moment. And it really came down to feeling like I had to memorize everything that I wanted to share. I had to memorize these key lines that would be, you know, these like mic drop moments. And I had this fear of forgetting because I, if you don't know this about me, I have a terrible memory. I am not good at memorizing. It's not really me in alignment at all. And so when I would have that expectation and then I would forget a line, it would just completely throw me off. I could really see, looking back, how by trying to control everything, I was actually disconnecting from myself. This pressure to memorize actually pulled me away from being in the moment and being in my body and being able to really pull me back from my intuition, from using my intuition as well. I became so focused on remembering instead of connecting with the audience. And that was the gap for me. So really when this started to shift was when I started seeing proof of possibility, I started seeing other people take the stage in these really engaging way. And I would, you know, ask them questions or find out more about their process. And as I got a little bit more of a look behind the scenes, which again is why it's so important to share this, I would hear from especially these women who would tell stories about how their approach to speaking. And these are women who are speaking on massive stages in front of hundreds, maybe thousands of people in one room. And they're saying how they would get like an intuitive hit the night before or a couple of nights before, and that would bring like formulate their talk. And that would be the talk that they would give on stage like two days later. And it was not from a place of memorization. It was really just letting the talk land in their body and then going up and speaking on stage, which honestly, the first time that I heard that felt impossible. I was like, how? How is that even possible? That sounds so scary. I could never do that. And then I started building those muscles and I would speak on more stages and just let myself do less prep. And I would speak on podcasts. And I actually, podcasting was huge for me. Guest podcasting really helped me hone in on that ability because I wouldn't know the questions ahead of time. And it got to the point too where I just really started to build that confidence within myself, a lot of which also came from writing and sharing my book. At the end of the day, no one knows my story like I do. You know, of course, I am the expert in my own story, in my own experience. So when I am speaking to that, when I'm sharing my story, my perspective, my experiences, my learnings, I am the expert on that. And I had a lot more confidence in that. And then I would put in the reps. And slowly this process would stretch my identity. And it started to open up another layer of possibility for me. And then this led to booking more panels in really expansive rooms and launching my podcast and eventually booking some keynotes. And I do really feel like I credit podcasting in so many ways because podcasting forced me out of perfection and into presence. So there was no editing my thoughts in real time. It was really learning to trust the conversation, learning to trust myself and knowing that whatever channeled through in that moment was something that needed to be said. There was a reason for it. This is why I feel like often on podcasting, especially like when you're guesting, I feel like sometimes I just like black out and I can't even remember the conversation afterwards because I was just so in my body and out of my head. And I think there's a part of this that's really letting your own curiosity lead you and being open to where it leads you. And then these solo episodes have become again another chance to continue to build that muscle and let myself lean on my intuition in the moment. I still will have an idea of what I want to talk about. I'll have a topic in mind. I typically create a little bit of an outline just to keep me on track. But otherwise, I am showing up and speaking to you in the moment. And so I do feel there's a reason that I couldn't record this solo episode last week because I had no voice and I had to wait. I'm recording it, you know, much more in the moment. You're gonna listen to it not very long from now. And it's giving me a lot more time to reflect on this as well, coming off of this talk. But before I get into the high school talk, I still want to rewind a little bit and refer back to these initial keynotes that I booked. So I've had a couple keynotes this spring, and the most recent one was at a yoga retreat. And this was the first time I gave a keynote talk without any slides, without any cue cards. It was just me standing up there, feeling into what needed to be said. And it was my favorite self-talk, which I've been building upon for a while now, but it's different every time. And I let it be. I let it really come to me in the moment. And I felt like I had that moment. I was actually meditating the morning before my talk. And I had this download come through that was just like one point that I needed to shift in my talk that actually ended up shifting it quite a bit. And it felt so right, and it just like clicked for me. And that was also the moment that I just got this confidence in knowing that I need to let go of the cue cards and just go up there and speak from the heart in the moment. And if you want to get woo with me, I actually had a tarot card that I pulled that was very much aligned with this and really encouraging me to lead with my intuition and to trust myself and trust my voice. I was like, okay, it couldn't be any more obvious than that. So when I got up there, I didn't feel like I was performing a speech. I felt like I was sharing something that made me come alive in the moment. And I think this is also why, you know, the Justin Bieber content lately from coming from the Grammys, coming from Coachella has resonated with me so much. And I feel like I can speak to a lot in our generation that have followed his journey, but especially his most recent performance at Coachella. I don't even want to call it a performance because it was just so real and raw and like that he was up there singing with his younger self. That's how I felt when I went back to my high school to give this talk. But it just felt like this full circle moment that was so healing and such a powerful mirror that he could have his younger self, the one that, you know, was just doing it because he loved doing it, was in it for the passion, and also had this like young confidence as well, because he believed in himself from an early age, even though he had no idea what he was in for. And so I just thought that was such a beautiful reflection and it really resonated with me. Okay, now I want to talk to you about going back to my high school because this was such a trip. So, first rewinding how this even all came together. I am still in contact on Instagram with my old grade nine math teacher who was also one of my basketball coaches in high school, and that's really how we built our relationship. Shout out to the teachers, by the way, who dedicate their time to sport and extracurriculars because it really having this reflection just made me realize just how what an impact that experience had on my high school experience. And I just feel so grateful for my coaches who dedicated so much of their time and energy to this. And it was honestly like instrumental to my high school experience and the way that it went. So I just want to make sure I say that. But yes, we he's followed me on Instagram and like has been such a great hype man behind the scenes for me. Um, and so we've stayed connected that way. And then I just had this ping earlier this year about it, it just kind of like it was a whisper that told me, like, go back to give a talk at your high school, which kind of came out of nowhere. I mean, I have done a couple small high school talks, just locally, actually, one that I can think of that was more for a marketing class. And I went and gave a talk, but this felt very different. And so I I just went with it. I followed up with him. I was like, hey, I just had this idea. Like, do you think that this would be something people would be interested in? He loved it right away and jumped all over it and really started planning and organizing and putting together um a signup sheet. And honestly, like I thought it would be maybe a class or two that would come and experience this talk. And then he puts out this signup sheet that was a Google sheet, and I'm watching as hundreds of students are getting signed up for this talk. So we ended up doing two different sessions back to back, which was also really cool, and I'll explain a little bit more later. Yeah, and so I went from thinking I was gonna give a talk to like 30 or 40 students to it being 175 students signed up for this talk. I was joking with a friend of mine who also went to the same high school as me. We actually just reunited um a couple months ago at an event, and she was like, So you're basically given an assembly, leading an assembly. I'm like, oh my God, what have I signed up for? And yeah, I had a lot of excitement but nerves leading up to it because I just didn't fully ex know what to expect. I hadn't been back to my high school in a very long time. I'm not gonna know, I'm not gonna say exactly how long it's been. Uh I mean, okay, why not? It's been two decades, 20 years since I graduated high school. Which I didn't even realize until all this was coming together, and I reflected and realized it has been 20 years. So talk about a reunion moment. Yeah, going back and walking the halls of my high school felt like I just left. It was so strange. I pull in, you know, the same way my teacher had told me to go park in the teacher's parking lot, and I didn't even remember where it was. I found a student parking spot that was really close to the school, parked. I start walking in through the back door where I normally would. And the students were like in between classes, and I'm just like walking with them in the halls. And I felt like I was one of them, especially because some of them are towering over me. And I'm not short, I'm 5'10. And yeah, I just like let myself really be in that moment of walking these halls again after all the time that's passed, after all the life experiences that have shaped me to really become a completely different person, but also in a lot of ways come back home to that version of myself, that high school version of myself, who had a whole world of possibilities open to her. And this is why I really loved giving this talk because, you know, I was leading up to it reflecting on how when I was in high school, I felt this pressure of like, what are you going to do when you grow up? And honestly, I had more clarity than a lot of my friends did, or even people that I met even going into university, because I had this love of writing, and I really always felt like I was going to build a career around that passion and using the words. And that's why I went to school for journalism, for professional writing and continued to follow it. But of course, like my business and really what I ended up even in my early career starting off working in in social media didn't exist when I was in high school. So I was able to share that with the students and really reflect back to them how they are in this time where, again, we are navigating a massive shift on the technology front with AI and with the reality that there are so many jobs that are shifting and changing. And there is a very good chance that whatever they end up doing for work one day doesn't even exist yet. We don't even know about it yet, which is so cool. Maybe there's some parts that feel a little scary and uncertain with that. But I choose to believe in how amazing that is, that there are just so many possibilities. And so it's really like keeping that open mind to what's to come. And so I spoke to a lot of this and just the important of importance of that and the importance of the self-awareness and really knowing yourself and trusting yourself and believing in yourself and how those skills ultimately will take you where you need to go and where you want to go. But yeah, reflecting back and like seeing myself walk those halls again, give this talk through my younger self's eyes. My high school self would I don't know if she would have actually believed this version of our life. I I think she dreamt it deep down inside, but I don't think she truly believed it was possible for her. I don't think she thought I okay, I'll I'll rewind. I do think there's a part of her that thought maybe one day she would come back and share her story. But I don't know if she truly believed that was possible. And that was the work that I had to do. And so being able to go back and have copies of my book that I was able to give away to the students. And, you know, I I blanned that initially. I had treats, I had so many treats packed and books because I'm like, I'm gonna bribe these students to engage. I I, you know, was advised that it is hard to get high school students to be engaged. And so I went in with that expectation and had been pre-warned. When I tell you, these students blew me away by how engaged they were, the how many questions they asked, the quality of the questions they asked, like such good, important, meaningful questions. I felt like they restored my faith in humanity. And yeah, honestly, it it blew me away. And I think it just goes to show how important it was for them to be able to see someone that had truly walked their shoes, their hallways, grew up in the same very, very small town that they either grew up in or had friends or family that grew up in, and could see, you know, what I had built beyond that. And how at that time I was reflecting on and speaking to them about how I was playing so small. I was dreaming so small because I just hadn't been expanded yet. My perspective hadn't been expanded yet to really see just how much was possible to me. Because that's kind of what happens when you grow up in a small town and you are sheltered and you don't see a lot and there isn't social media. You know, it's different for them now. They are exposed to so much more. But yeah, I was sharing how small I was playing and then being able to share my story about how about, you know, starting and scaling my business and growing my family and writing my book, and then being able to come back and share this with them. It just felt so full full circle and so meaningful. And it just like I was. On a high that day, honestly. I felt like the conversations were so good. And then afterwards, you know, because I'd given away books, a lot of the the male students were asking questions. And my book is definitely more focused on a female audience. I don't think that's I think that's pretty clear. Um, shout out to the guys who have read it though, because there's something in there still for for you two. But these guys came up to me afterwards and I was signing books and, you know, asking them, was it the book for them or for someone else? And they had me sign it for their moms, which was just like, again, the sweetest thing. I was like, oh my God, so perfect. Of course. This is for your mom. And what a beautiful mirror your mom must be for you to have thought of her. You know, it was coming up to Mother's Day. It just felt so perfect. So if you happen to have found me and are listening to this because you're a mom of one of those students, then I'm just giving you a shout out for everything that you've done to raise this next generation because you're doing such important work. And it shows. It really does show, even on the days when you wonder and question yourself, is it anything actually working? Are they actually retaining it? I really believe that they are. And that makes me excited for them and for us and for the world and for my kids that are coming up behind them. So coming back full circle, the day that I gave my talk, my family had been battling this cold that had taken everyone else out one by one. I was kind of holding it all, especially, you know, when you're in business with your partner that you're married to and caring for sick kids, and then one of you gets sick, then you're holding the business and the family and everything. It can be a lot. So I definitely felt like I was holding a lot leading up to this event. And then I started to feel a little bit of that scratchiness in my throat. I was starting to get a little anxious, like, okay, I just can't get sick before this talk. I have to be able to give this talk. You know, there's not really a choice a chance to reschedule. We're getting close to the end of the school year. And fortunately, I woke up that day and my voice was pretty good. I can hear it for sure in the recordings back. Um, but made it through the day, was able to speak, wake up Friday morning the next day, and my voice is completely gone. Like I said, like I can't even really whisper. It's just gone. So it really felt like a clear message was being sent. I was being forced to rest after this season of stepping in and using my voice in ways that I really hadn't before and to a point to an extent that I had never before. And my voice was exhausted ultimately. It was overextended. And I do think there was a probably an energetic release happening. I'm a big believer in that and the physical symptoms that show up. I'm sure there's some throat chakra stuff that was going on. And if you are an expert in this, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Like, feel free to DM me or leave it in the comments. But it really clearly felt like it at minimum, just this symbolic example of how I was using my voice more than ever. And again, that I was stepping into finally trusting my voice in this way. I went to this high school talk. Again, it was unscripted. I had this download a few days out, maybe a week out, of how I wanted to really customize the favorite self-talk and shape it for high school students. And then I was able to step up and speak in the moment. And it was actually really helpful that we had the two sessions and then we had a lot of time for QA, which I was nervous about because I didn't know if they'd have any questions. The teacher was prepped with some just in case, but they asked so many questions. And yeah, it just all came together even better than I ever could have expected. And so it's not lost on me that for years I was afraid to use my voice. And now I am stepping into the season where I am learning to sustain it and really establish some boundaries around it, you know, with podcasting. Now I'm stepping in the season where I'm getting so many people reaching out to guests on the podcast, which I love. And I'm so excited to share this platform and, you know, bring these voices on. But I also have so many guests booked out that um are were part of my initial launch plan. And so I'm having to create some scheduling boundaries around that because I don't want to be booking out guest podcasting that we're recording and not releasing for, you know, months and months later. I'm having to really check my capacity in other ways and leave myself more space for recovery. I'm having to pace myself in a different way, which is so hard when you feel like you're on this momentum trajectory and then you get forced to slow down. And like last week was hard because I had to reschedule some really amazing guests, which they were fantastic about it. And we were able to reschedule in a really awesome way. Um, but I had I had to push calls, and so I had this like week that I ended up turning inwards and doing a lot of the behind-the-scenes work and gotten back into some some researching and other kind of program development that I didn't need to use my voice for. But it was hard. I like, I definitely felt those limiting beliefs coming up around how my productivity had shifted and questioning my worth and my value in that. And just, you know, it's you get tested in the quiet, in the slow, right? And and especially when you're sick and you're just kind of down and out. And it's that's when it's so important to be really like coaching yourself through that. And that brings me to where I am now today, kicking off the week with this solo recording that I've been so excited to share. And now I'm at a spot where I really realize that the goal for me is not not to sound perfect, the goal is to be real and share my truth to ensure that the people who are listening feel something real and true. And the more that I trust myself in that, the more alive I feel, and I believe the greater the connections that are formed. And really, my voice actually becomes even stronger when I let go of trying to control and perfect it. And hopefully this resonates for you. Whether you are stepping into a speaking season or a podcasting season yourself, or just learning to use your voice and be seen in a different way, then maybe this is just another reminder to lean on what feels true and right for you. Find expanders who have done it that way so that they can be proof of possibility for you, and continue to build those muscles and trust in yourself. And if you're looking for a space where you can tap into your authenticity, your own voice, and really feel like you can step into the power of using your voice in that way, we have a really amazing in-person experience coming up called the Favorite Self Content Experience. Tickets are closing soon. It's happening on May 22nd. I'll leave the link in the show notes. So if you are local to the New Market area and want to come hang and create content and community and work on your mindset and just like really be really intentional about the way that you're showing up online in a way that feels good for you, this is an event for you. Would love to see you there. Hit the link in the show notes to grab the final tickets if there are any left. And otherwise, I can't wait to see you and talk to you again next week. Thank you for listening to the Favorite Self podcast. If this episode stirred something in you, there's a reason for it. You could take a moment to share with a friend, someone who's also building something brave, that would mean so much to me. Better yet, leave a review. It helps this message reach even more women who are ready to lead differently. And before you go, remember this: your favorite self is already within you, waiting to be heard. See you next time.