The Visibility Stretch: What Publishing My Book Taught Me About Being Seen

What if the discomfort you feel around visibility is actually a sign that you are growing?

In this episode of The Favourite Self Podcast, Carly shares the behind the scenes of launching the podcast, navigating a major visibility stretch, and moving through the fear that can come with being more fully seen. She opens up about the emotional side of sharing your work, the reality of receiving criticism, and why growth often asks you to trust yourself before you feel fully ready.

Carly also reflects on the journey of writing and publishing her book, and how that experience taught her that visibility is not just mindset work, but nervous system work too. If you have been feeling the stretch of putting yourself out there, sharing your story, or owning your voice in a bigger way, this episode is for you.

If this episode resonates, be sure to follow and subscribe to The Favourite Self Podcast, and share it with someone who needs to hear it.

Key Takeaways:

• Visibility will often feel uncomfortable before it feels safe

• Confidence is built by taking the step, not waiting to feel ready

• Being seen will stretch your identity, your self trust, and your nervous system

• Sharing your story can open doors, deepen connection, and create real impact

• Discomfort is not always a red flag, sometimes it is the doorway into your next level

Carly's Links
Website: carlyottaway.com / webofwords.ca
Instagram: @‌itscarlyottaway / @‌webofwords_
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/carlyottaway
Watch on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@favouriteselfpodcast

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Expansion isn't just mindset work. It is nervous system work. You will be tested on everything that you say you believe in. So in that moment, I feel like the universe was asking me, do you actually believe in the power of sharing your story? Or just when it's comfortable? Welcome to the Favorite Self podcast. I like to think of it not as your future self or your best self, but your favorite self. My favorite self that just makes me feel the truest version of me. What lights your favorite self on fire? I'm Carly Ottaway, founder, author, storyteller, and a woman who learned that building a successful life means nothing if it doesn't feel like yours. This podcast is for women who are building businesses, raising families, leading movements, and asking themselves, is this it or is there more available to me? This is your invitation to come back to yourself. Let's dig in. Hello and welcome back to another episode of the Favorite Self Podcast. I am riding a hive right now. We are celebrating such an incredible launch. Thank you so, so much from the bottom of my heart for all the support, listening, sharing, and just cheering me on in this next exciting venture. The podcast was topping the charts in entrepreneurship for all of launch week or the weekend after launch. We hit number 14 in entrepreneurship, which was incredible. And we're still at the tops of the charts. And I'm just pinching myself because I just feel like this is so wild. Never did I ever think I'd be entering this podcasting era, let alone seeing the podcast on the tops of the charts and just the impact that it's already having, which I feel like I knew once I started recording and having these conversations. And that's when it really hit me like, okay, this really matters. People need to hear this. And I truly believe in that. And that is what is making me excited to wake up today and record another episode. Like I literally was up through the night thinking about everything I wanted to share with you. And I do feel like this is going to be a place where I show up and share more vulnerably and let you know what's going on behind the scenes and open that up to you because I think that's so important and it's something that I feel really called to do. And it's something that I feel like is missing and is so needed. And so that's why today I really want to talk about the visibility stretch with you because I kind of mentioned this in the early episodes, but this is not something that comes super naturally to me. And at the same time as launching this podcast, I had the opportunity to guest on an incredible podcast, one of my favorite podcasts ever. And so it was all happening at once. And it felt like a major visibility stretch. And when I go through these seasons, I always need to really step into my tools for regulating myself into this next level. And I know that with the up level sometimes comes not just the positive, which is so amazing. And I've like loved reading all of your messages, and it's felt so good to see all the positive feedback, but also sometimes those negative comments that hit you like a little bit of a gut punch and really throw you. And I think in a way it doesn't get easier. Maybe you recover faster. I do believe that, but I'm still a sensitive person. And I do think there's a part of this journey that you need to develop a thick skin. And it comes with the territory of putting yourself out there that you're going to get this feedback from people, especially people who feel really brave behind a keyboard and aren't thinking about how their words might be landing on the other side. But it's still difficult to navigate. And I wanted to talk about that today. And I really wanted to use this as an opportunity to push through that discomfort and show up anyway and really trust in the message that I'm sharing and believe in what I'm doing here and share it with you as well. And I do believe, you know, when you get these negative comments, and I've coached clients through this, it is often, more often than not, people that are projecting their own insecurities. And I'll talk about this a little bit more again when I dive into the mirror effect in another episode, but they really are reflecting externally what's going on in their internal reality. And it says more about them than it does about you, but it's still hard to hear. And I take it as an opportunity for growth, whether it's actually acknowledging the feedback and reflecting on it, or just the negative comment in general and the triggering feeling that can come from that, and then diving into where that is coming from. How can I learn and grow and expand from it? And maybe turn off my phone for a little while and stay away from the comment section. But yes, this episode is going to be about that discomfort of stretching into a new level of visibility and really being seen, but also the importance of that. And I want to start by sharing, taking you back on a really fun venture with me and sharing the story of publishing my book and putting my story out into the world. So for me, this story actually starts back from childhood. And I hinted at this a little bit again in my trailer episode, sharing my story. But from early memories, I always loved writing. I would journal and I just like found so much comfort in communicating through the written word. And I do feel like I had this inner knowing or desire to make a career from my love of writing and words one day. And so my dream of writing books was on my heart from a very young age. And I share this also because I do believe this is a big part of tapping into that favorite self-identity is really thinking about, you know, who you were before the world told you who to be and who you were before the world or society or people around you told you how you need to act or how you should show up, how you should behave. And before you started developing patterns and habits around their own blocks, ultimately, before you started creating these patterns and habits to appease other people. And then we had the house fire. And I remember really feeling like I didn't know anyone else who had gone through something like this. And I wish I had a book or some sort of resource that I could dive into that would help guide me through this experience. And that's when I started getting the ping and the download of like, you need to share this story. If there isn't a book on this, you need to share it. So I started writing. And I would be writing in my journal for the most part, just you know, for myself. But then it was January 2023 where I was writing my list of goals and always writing my book would be at the top of my list or my manifestation list as it evolved. It used to be goal setting. Now I write a manifestation list at the beginning of every year. And I kept having this at the top of my list and I was never taking action on it. It would just sit there and then it would fall to the bottom of my priorities, and then I'd bump it back up to the top of the list the next year. And so I finally decided that January, like, no, I am done making excuses. This is the year that I'm actually making this happen for real. And so the very first step that I took actually that month was I reached out to a coach, a storytelling coach, and I invested in my own story and finding clarity around my story in the book that I wanted to share. And that journey was so amazing, not just because of it helped me gain the clarity and the confidence around my own story, but also really helped tap back into my why and why I love storytelling and helping other people share their stories and how that just lights me up. And I knew that that was going to be a big part of the message that I needed to share in the book, but I still didn't know exactly what that was going to look like. I'm also a very like linear person. So in my writing process, you know, I developed an outline. I had kind of the pivotal stories that I wanted to share, but I didn't exactly know how it was going to come together. And that was really hard for me to wrap my head around like how I was going to make sense of it all. I think a big part of that was like knowing that I just had to let the rough draft be the rough draft and that the magic happened in the editing. And I'll get to that a little bit more because I loved the editing process. But yes, as I was doing the initial writing and after I'd hired this coach, I took another step and I ended up investing in a mastermind and joined a community of writers who were also writing their book, led by an author who had been through the experience. And so much of that journey was actually less about the writing, and it was really about developing the identity of the author and becoming the author of this story and who I needed to be in order to share it and put it out into the world. And so that really led me down doing so much subconscious work. And I feel like it was 50-50 in terms of my process between writing and rewiring and doing my meditations and leaning it onto leaning on all the tools that helped me step into that identity of the person that I needed to be. So really writing the book wasn't just about writing the book, it was about becoming the woman who would share it. And fast forward to January 2025, at this point, I was probably a little over halfway through my manuscript. And keep in mind, I still had a busy, thriving marketing agency while I was working on this book and two young kids, two kids under three. So I was finding time to write in the cracks of my day, often on very limited, terrible sleep. I would write after the kids went to bed, even when I was exhausted. And this is why I knew I needed to let the rough draft be rough. I would sneak off to the coffee shop in the middle of the day and like carve out that space in my calendar and block it off and have a word count goal and make it happen and stop trying to edit myself along the way. I just wrote and let it be this really free form, free-flow writing, which was a huge part of my process. But yes, come January 2025, I had just over half of my rough draft written and I went on a retreat with high vibe women. And I was talking to my friend Christina, who's gonna be on the podcast. I've already given her a shout-out before, and um, she's just the best. I can't wait for you to hear from her. But she invited me that January, told me she'd love for me to be a speaker at the upcoming fall event in October for High Vibe Women. And I remember that drive home from the retreat after this conversation with her, and I sent her a voice note, and I knew in that moment that this year I had to not only finish writing my book, but publish it and get it into the swag bags at the October event. So now I had a very clear timeline and goal. And I also always like had a fall launch in mind for the book, so it just really fell beautifully into place, and I knew I had to go full speed ahead to make this happen. So I did a lot of writing, especially in March. March was a heavy writing month for me, and it was also a full-day event with high vibe women, not the one that I was speaking at. And as part of that event, there was a networking activity where we had to speak a big goal for the year out loud and share it with a stranger that we had just met. And so that was the very first time that I spoke out loud to someone that I had just met that I was writing and publishing a book. And I said it multiple times that day and told multiple people and came home from the event the next day, feeling, you know, like you do after a big event where I just needed to refill my cup and I was, you know, just socially exhausted. But that night, as I was getting ready for bed with my husband, I suddenly looked down and noticed that I have hives all over my arms. I'm like, this is so strange. Where did this come from? And I'm thinking, did I use a different detergent at the hotel or was there something, you know, in the sheets that I slept in? I'm like going through all the products that I've been using, trying to figure out if there's some new product or if it was a seasonal allergy. This continued on. Every night, right before bed, around like nine o'clock, I would break out into hives and they were so uncomfortable and so itchy and red. And I would, you know, try so many things like get in a cold shower or use cold compresses, and nothing would help other than an allergy pill. And then the allergy pill would basically last me 24 hours, and then I'd break out into hives again the following night. I was able to manage it so that I was breaking out into hives like every other night. And I really started trying to figure out what was going on with this. I I eventually was able to see an allergist. I was doing acupuncture, I was switching up my supplements, and I knew though that it this wasn't something external. I knew something was going on with my body, and I had a feeling that it had something to do with the book, but I just couldn't figure it out. So, of course, the allergy tests come back and nothing has changed. And, you know, the acupuncture is helping me regulate, but I'm not seeing a big shift. And I just continue on working through. At this point, I found a publisher, the right publisher for my book in April and signed my book deal. And it was all getting really real. And I finished writing and submitted my manuscript and then went into the editing process. And still every night or every other night with the allergy pill, breaking out into hives. And I started to realize, you know, as I'm diving into this and figuring out, okay, what is really going on here, it felt like it had something to do with this feeling of a lack of safety. I felt like my mind was on board, but my body wasn't. My body had to catch up, and my body did not feel safe with sharing my story and putting myself out there this way. And I think it's really important to acknowledge this that when it comes to visibility as a business owner, you know, it's a really important part of your growth. And you need to be willing to put yourself out there and be vulnerable and share your story because that's not only where the deepest connections form, but also where so much of your power lies. Because when you share your story, you resonate with other people who see themselves through you and therefore want to work with you or want to connect with you, but also you are a proof of possibility for them. And I believe that's so important because it's been so crucial in my own growth journey, in my own identity shift and evolution, where when I couldn't imagine something was possible for me, I was able to find other people, other women who were already doing it in some way, maybe not exactly the way that I would, or not living the exact life that I wanted, but they showed me it was possible for me because they put themselves out there and shared their story in that way. And this is why ultimately I wrote my book. I think it's really important to note that in my writing journey, I really wrote for myself first. And that's why I think I was able to write the book that I did. It wasn't with this intention of having this business book that is gonna grow my business. It wasn't strategic for me. It was very intentional. But honestly, for me, first, it was fulfilling this childhood dream and writing this book that I want I wish my younger self had and writing it for her. And then that really formed into being able to write it for my kids and you know, knowing that they would have this. But yeah, because I was really writing it for myself, it was so healing for me. The journey of writing it and, you know, working through reliving a lot of the challenges that I had experienced and seeing my story through that lens and just appreciating what I had been through and what led me to where I am now, was such a beautiful mirror and lens to look through and really helped me actually develop that much more confidence in my story and clarity around my purpose and what I'm here to do. And that part of the process, like writing it itself and how healing that was alone was worth it. Even if I say this, even if it ended up in a desk drawer and never saw the light of day, it was still worth it to me. I think another big part of that was because I'm in the marketing world, so much of what we do is created for others, right? Every time we're creating content, you know, whether it's on social media or even on a podcast, you're thinking of your audience and how is this message going to most resonate with them? What's the message that they need to hear? And you start with them. But with my book, I didn't let myself fall into that trap. I really let myself write it for me first. And because of that, it felt not like a marketing strategy, but really like such a creative outlet. And I felt like it was my art and I was tapping into this artistic side of myself that I hadn't tapped into in so long. That inner child that loved writing. She didn't love writing because she was trying to write certain hooks that would get an audience to engage or get people to buy a product. That wasn't what lit her up. She loved writing for the way of communicating through storytelling, connecting by sharing stories. And there's so much power in that. That was a huge part of my own process. And then in the editing, then I really got to continue to have my audience in mind and, you know, massage my story, have the best connection with my audience without losing, of course, my truth and the vulnerability of that. And there were many parts of my story that I felt tempted to edit out and I knew I couldn't. I knew I had to leave them in there. And of course, those were the parts that readers early on reflected back to me as like this exact scene that they saw themselves in. And I'm so glad that I trusted my voice in that. But I think that was a big part of it, was it taught me so much self-trust in trusting that if I need this, someone else needs it too. And that alone was enough for me. Especially seeing my daughter and knowing if I need this, I think she needs it or will need it. And so being able to create something for her and for my son as well to read and hold and have, I mean, I can, that's a whole other episode. Because now they literally like pull out the book off the shelf and have me read it to them. And it's just such an incredible, magical feeling. But getting back to the hives and the visibility stretch. So last summer I was deep in the inner work. And I remember I got to the point where the book was done, it was edited, and still at that point, the only people who had read it were my husband, my editors, and my publisher. And so now I had to take that next step and share it with my early readers. And I was really intentional about picking these early readers who were my target audience. At that point, I did feel so confident in my story and knew that this was the message that I was called to share and the story that I was made to write. I knew this was the book that was coming out in such divine timing because this is why it took me this long to fulfill this dream, because this was the book that I was meant to write and share. But still, actually sharing that with my first readers was terrifying. I remember just like wanting to crawl into a hole and I was so scared. And I remember when I first sent it out, you know, I didn't hear anything right away other than like, I can't wait to read it. And I'm like waiting for this feedback, and it's like hasn't even been 24 hours. And my husband Luke is like, you need to remember that you sent this book out to other women who are entrepreneurs, who have kids and are juggling so many things, like they're not reading your book in 24 hours. I'm like, true, okay, Carly, you need to chill. And so, again, just tested me in so many levels. And I really do feel like when you are doing something that you are meant to do and sharing a message that is so important to you, you do get tested in that process. It's like the universe or God or whatever your belief is is asking you, like, are you sure? Are you fully behind this message? Are you truly aligned with this? That you are gonna basically go to bat for it. And the universe is gonna keep testing you along the way to make sure that this is like really building up that muscle, I think, stretching that muscle and and using that muscle. And I felt like everything I wrote about in the book, I got tested on in another level when it came to sharing it with the world. And so you'll have to read the book to get the full story. But yeah, once again, I'm leaning on all the nervous system tools and really focusing on regulating myself and letting my body know that I am safe to be seen in this way. And knowing that the fear is not going to disappear. I'm gonna bring it along on the journey with me, and we're gonna do this together. This is why I really believe that expansion isn't just mindset work, it is nervous system work. You will be tested on everything that you say you believe in. So in that moment, I feel like the universe was asking me do you actually believe in the power of sharing your story? Or just when it's comfortable? Are you just gonna do it when it's comfortable? When people are cheering for you, when you're getting the applause, because I As we know, as I know, after 11 years in business, it is easy to be in business when everything is flowing, clients are happy, and your team is happy and the money is coming in and going out in all the right ways. It is a completely different story when it is not going according to plan, or when something just completely rocks you or shakes you, or you feel like you're questioning everything. Am I actually cut out for this? Am I the one to do this? Is this actually something I can keep doing? You know, those moments where you're just wondering if it's time to throw in the towel once and for all. That's when you get ultimately tested. And that's the character development that I talk about. So all along I knew in my head too that this was probably the next book in development as I'm getting ready to share the first one with the world. And I've shared this before too, but I as I was journaling through the writing process and getting ready to share share it. I'm really leaning on my journaling practice and I kept writing in my journal, this book is going to change everything. And it wasn't coming from a place of ego of like, oh, this book is gonna be a bestseller and then I'm gonna 10 times the business and blah, blah, blah. It really was this internal knowing that the identity shift that was coming from this and who I was becoming in the process was going to change everything. And it has already, it's led to so many incredible opportunities that I there was no way I could have seen coming at that time. And it led to this, to the podcast and me sharing this with you right now and you listening. And I'm so grateful for that. As I get ready to share my story again, I'm at that spot where I at this point truly believed in my story. I had done in that work internally. I was still getting the hives, mind you. But yeah, I didn't know if other people would see it the way that I saw it. And I just needed that validation that it was going to have the impact that I believed it could. And then I got that positive feedback coming in from my early readers, which was such a breath of relief, such a huge exhale. And I think that initial proof that I could feel safe sharing this, knowing that this is the kind of impact that it's going to have. And so I think it's an important lesson about how that confidence, that clarity often comes after the action, after stepping through the discomfort, after the exposure. You know, it doesn't come beforehand. And same with the safety. The safety didn't come before I shared the book. It came because I shared it and because I was willing to step through the fear and the discomfort in order to do so. And this is what I think is so wild about the visibility stretch and the ripple effect of that, because visibility creates opportunities that you cannot predict, right? And you really have to trust and know that when you're putting yourself out there in this way, you never know who's going to read it, who's going to listen, who's going to stumble upon your Instagram page, just the opportunities and the relationships and the connections that it can lead to. Like that's the magic. And that's what I find so fascinating because it's so amazing to look back on and reflect on. So, you know, my book led to Incredible Speaking Opportunities. This podcast launch, guesting on other incredible podcasts, including my like dream favorite podcasts that I listen to every week that I, you know, at one point never thought I could ever be on. And it's led to so much personal growth and growth in my relationships as well. And also just like so much beauty in in my really close relationships with my kids and with my husband and with my best friends and my immediate family too. So again, it wasn't the book itself that changed everything. It was who I became in that process of writing it and sharing it with the world. So I think reflecting back on this, you know, to really think about those key takeaways, visibility will feel unsafe. It will because it is not human nature. You are going to feel unsafe putting yourself out there. That doesn't mean it's wrong. You know, it really is about understanding how to navigate that discomfort and how to make yourself feel safe within that. I still remember the day, mid-August, when I had shared my story with those initial readers. I'd shared it with some family members. I was getting that feedback and I started to feel that momentum of like feeling reassured, like, okay, yes, I can do this. I am made to do this. This is so important to me. This is going to have the impact that I want it to have. And literally overnight, the hives went away. They just went away. And I knew in that time, I was like, of course they went away. We're ready. We are here now. We are ready. And that said, I don't think you always necessarily feel ready in that time. I had to take so many steps forward before I felt ready and before I knew what was waiting for me on the other side. And I think it's important to just normalize that discomfort in your body too, that your body might actually resist before your mind. And we've talked about this in an earlier episode and the importance of listening to your body. But at the same time, like know that these physical reactions can be showing you something. It doesn't always mean that it's wrong. It might mean something needs to shift and you need to pay attention to them and don't ignore them, you know, take care of them, really like pay attention, let them teach you what they're there to teach you. But sometimes it that is part of the process. And it doesn't mean you need to stop and run away and hide, as tempting as that can feel. And really, I think so much of it comes down to that confidence. That confidence comes through action. And you don't need to have the proof. You don't need to have the answers, you don't need to know the how. You don't need to have the full clarity, but you need to have the trust. You need to have the trust in yourself, maybe even in something bigger than yourself. That's where when you are in your purpose, I really do feel like so much trust is built because you know you are on this path doing what you're made to do. So ultimately, at the end of the day, when you are looking to build safety, you don't build safety by avoiding and running away and hiding from your fears and what scares you. You build safety by stepping through the fear, stepping into the exposure and doing it anyway and showing yourself that you can. So I hope that this episode stirs something in you, reflects something back to you, and reassures you that you are on the right path, even if you are in the midst of a lot of discomfort right now. And I hope it also sends the message that if there's something on your heart, something that you know you are meant to share, but maybe you keep putting it off because it feels too big or too impossible or too vulnerable or too scary, that discomfort that you feel might not actually be a red flag. It might actually be the doorway calling you to step through. And you don't need to feel ready to be seen. You just need to be willing. Thank you so much for listening again today. I hope this resonated. If it did, I would love to hear from you. And I can't wait to see you again next week and talk to you then. Thank you for listening to the Favorite Self podcast. If this episode stirred something in you, there's a reason for it. If you could take a moment to share with a friend, someone who's also building something brave, that would mean so much to me. Better yet, leave a review. It helps this message reach even more women who are ready to lead differently. And before you go, remember this your favorite self is already within you, waiting to be heard. See you next time.